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JOKE OF THE DAY!?!

Discussion in 'Topical Discussions (In Depth)' started by SilverNuts&Bolts, Mar 31, 2010.



  1. mtnman

    mtnman Gold Member Gold Chaser Site Supporter ++

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    Remember Al?

     
  2. Scald

    Scald Tungsten collector Silver Miner

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    What do you call a woman who pleasures herself with a vegetable?


    Mrs. Hawking
     
  3. michael59

    michael59 heads up-butts down Platinum Bling

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    OOOOOOOOH,......dammm that is just awful....but I like it......thumbs up:oriental:
     
    Scald likes this.
  4. Joseph

    Joseph Gold Member Gold Chaser Site Supporter ++

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    Deep things the retired guy thinks about:



    [​IMG]

    I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking. My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing."

    The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?" At that point I would have had to explain that we men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions. Which would interrupt my deep thought.

    Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?

    Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is patently more painful than having a baby. Even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion: A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."

    On the other hand, you'll never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I might like another kick in the nuts."

    I rest my case. Time for another beer and then maybe a nap.
     
  5. michael59

    michael59 heads up-butts down Platinum Bling

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    That is so awesome....no, not the getting kicked in the nads part.....
     
  6. Bottom Feeder

    Bottom Feeder Hypophthalmichthys molitrix Silver Miner Site Supporter

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    That is the finest example of deductive reasoning as I have seen in looooong time there Joseph.
    Have another beer on me. I think I’ll join ya.

    BF
     
  7. Goldhedge

    Goldhedge Modal Operator/Moderator Site Mgr Site Supporter

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    THESE ARE REAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY “THOMAS COOK HOLIDAYS” FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS

    1. “On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food.”

    2. “They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax.”

    3. “We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.”

    4. “We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price.”

    5. “The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”

    6. “We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow.”

    7. “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time — this should be banned.”

    8. “No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared.”

    9. “Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers.”

    10. “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”

    11. “The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun.”

    12. “It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair.”

    13. “I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends’ three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller.”

    14. “The brochure stated: ‘No hairdressers at the resort.’ We’re trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service.”

    15. “When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners.”

    16. “We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning.”

    17. “It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”

    18. “I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes.”

    19. “My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”


    BE AWARE …

    THEY WALK AMONG US and THEY VOTE!



     
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  8. Bottom Feeder

    Bottom Feeder Hypophthalmichthys molitrix Silver Miner Site Supporter

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  9. mtnman

    mtnman Gold Member Gold Chaser Site Supporter ++

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  10. Goldhedge

    Goldhedge Modal Operator/Moderator Site Mgr Site Supporter

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  11. Goldhedge

    Goldhedge Modal Operator/Moderator Site Mgr Site Supporter

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  12. Ensoniq

    Ensoniq Midas Member Midas Member Site Supporter ++

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    Reminds me of Tijuana

    Always keep- ten in one pocket and a $20in the other

    Local police will "pay the judge your $10 fine" but it's $20 for the Federalis

    Never insult them by acting like its a bribe. Play the game go home no proble, every time

    Gets kinda crazy in TJ at nights - anything goes on avenue revolution
     
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  13. mtnman

    mtnman Gold Member Gold Chaser Site Supporter ++

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    Better Idea, Fuck Mexico, Stay in the US
     
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  14. Professur

    Professur Midas Member Midas Member Site Supporter ++

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    Unless you're from Australia. Or black. Or carry any cash.
     
  15. mtnman

    mtnman Gold Member Gold Chaser Site Supporter ++

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    ???? You think those would fare better in mexico?
     
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  16. Professur

    Professur Midas Member Midas Member Site Supporter ++

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    Could they fare any worse than dead?
     
  17. mtnman

    mtnman Gold Member Gold Chaser Site Supporter ++

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    321,000,000 people live in the US there's going to be a couple of problems. But 320,999,999 got along just fine. Or you can test your luck in mexico
     
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  18. Goldhedge

    Goldhedge Modal Operator/Moderator Site Mgr Site Supporter

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    Batting 1000...


    Screen Shot 2017-07-20 at 12.04.48 PM.png
     

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