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JOKE OF THE DAY!?!

Discussion in 'Topical Discussions (In Depth)' started by SilverNuts&Bolts, Mar 31, 2010.



  1. Goldhedge

    Goldhedge Modal Operator/Moderator Site Mgr Site Supporter

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    IMG_1208.JPG
     
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  2. Bottom Feeder

    Bottom Feeder Hypophthalmichthys molitrix Gold Chaser Site Supporter

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    Goldhedge

    — Tsk, Tsk, Tsk.

    BF
     
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  3. Bottom Feeder

    Bottom Feeder Hypophthalmichthys molitrix Gold Chaser Site Supporter

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  4. GOLDBRIX

    GOLDBRIX God,Donald Trump,most in GIM2 I Trust. OTHERS-meh Site Supporter Platinum Bling

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    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    I'm on Picture TWO,,,,,,so far. LMAO
     
  5. Goldhedge

    Goldhedge Modal Operator/Moderator Site Mgr Site Supporter

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    This one's better...

    IMG_1209.JPG
     
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  6. Goldhedge

    Goldhedge Modal Operator/Moderator Site Mgr Site Supporter

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    Bubba Boudreaux, the smoothest-talking Cajun in the Louisiana National Guard, got called up to active duty. His first assignment was in a military induction center. Because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.

    The officer in charge soon noticed that Boudreaux was getting a 99% sign-up rate for the more expensive supplemental form of GI insurance.

    This was remarkable, because it cost these low-income recruits $30.00 per month for the higher coverage, compared to what the government was already providing at no charge.

    The officer decided he'd sit in the back of the room at the next briefing and observe Boudreaux's sales pitch.

    Boudreaux stood up before the latest group of inductees and said, "If you has da normal GI insurans an' you goes to Afghanistan an' gets youself killed, da govment' pays you benefishery $20,000. If you takes out da suppmental insurans, which cost you only t'irty dollars a munt, den da governmen' gots ta pay you benefishery $400,000!

    "Now," Boudreaux concluded, "which bunch you tink dey gonna send ta Afghanistan first?
     
  7. Goldhedge

    Goldhedge Modal Operator/Moderator Site Mgr Site Supporter

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    Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind.

    Today, I got a call from Home Depot who installed them. The caller complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

    Helloooo?,........... just because I'm a Senior Citizen doesn't mean that I am automatically mentally challenged.

    So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year --that these windows would pay for themselves in a year---

    Hellooooo? It's been a year, so they're paid for, I told him.

    There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up.

    He has not called back.
     
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  8. Lt Dan

    Lt Dan Gold Pirate Gold Chaser

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    bruce the cat.jpg
     
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  9. Rusty Shackelford

    Rusty Shackelford Midas Member Midas Member

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    What did the little boy do when he found a piece of gum in the bottom of the toilet.......he picked it up and chewed the crap out of it!!!
     
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  10. Lt Dan

    Lt Dan Gold Pirate Gold Chaser

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    upload_2017-8-30_13-2-8.jpg
     
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  11. Ebie

    Ebie Midas Member Midas Member

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  12. Goldhedge

    Goldhedge Modal Operator/Moderator Site Mgr Site Supporter

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    older.png
     
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  13. Rusty Shackelford

    Rusty Shackelford Midas Member Midas Member

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    Rabbi goes to pees in a toilet and sees a nickle in the bottom of the stool. He says to him self no self respecting person will reach into a urine filled pot for a nickle... a quarter maybe but no way a nickle. So he reaches in his pocket and throws two dimes in the toilet.
     
  14. Bottom Feeder

    Bottom Feeder Hypophthalmichthys molitrix Gold Chaser Site Supporter

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    Best depiction of Homer I've seen in a while:

    Homer Dress.jpg
     
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  15. mtnman

    mtnman Gold Member Gold Chaser Site Supporter ++

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    Three older gals were sitting together in the cafe one day. The first woman begins with praises for her wonderful son. "He started his own company and he's very successful. For Mothers Day he gave me a two week cruise in the Caribbean." "Fantastic" said third friend.
    The second woman related how her son was a successful stock broker on Wall Street. "For Mothers Day he bought me the most beautiful house out in the countryside." The third friend replied, "fantastic," again.
    There was a long pause, then one of the women asked the third friend about her son. "My son works as a top mechanic at a shop in town. For Mothers Day he bought me a two week stay at a finishing school, so that they could teach me to say 'fantastic' instead of 'bullshit.'"
     
  16. Goldhedge

    Goldhedge Modal Operator/Moderator Site Mgr Site Supporter

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    Screen Shot 2017-09-08 at 9.45.29 PM.png
     
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  17. Weatherman

    Weatherman In GIM since 2006 Gold Chaser Site Supporter

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    I are a ingineer two.

    Engr.jpg

    I can demonstrate my math skills with this statement: The integral of e to the x is a function of u to the n.
    For the mathematically challenged, this equation can be expressed symbolically as:

    integral.jpg
     
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  18. Lt Dan

    Lt Dan Gold Pirate Gold Chaser

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    If it weren't for spell check, you might not be able to read what I type. I was also very good at math! LOL! Does that mean I'm dyslexic?

    when-im-in-a-hrry-i-ahve-ekyboard-dyslexia--1061f.png
     
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  19. Goldhedge

    Goldhedge Modal Operator/Moderator Site Mgr Site Supporter

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  20. michael59

    michael59 heads up-butts down Platinum Bling

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    yesterday I couldn't spell enganeer today I are one!
     
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  21. Ensoniq

    Ensoniq Non-Black Member Midas Member Site Supporter ++

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    image.jpeg
     
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  22. Goldhedge

    Goldhedge Modal Operator/Moderator Site Mgr Site Supporter

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    After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.

    He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.

    Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

    As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?' To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'...

    [​IMG]
     
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  23. michael59

    michael59 heads up-butts down Platinum Bling

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    That's awful, just awful; but most likely true in that instance.
     
  24. Lt Dan

    Lt Dan Gold Pirate Gold Chaser

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