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Some Short One-liners

Discussion in 'Topical Discussions (In Depth)' started by Bottom Feeder, Mar 7, 2017.



  1. BarnacleBob

    BarnacleBob GIM Founding Member & Mod. Founding Member Site Mgr Site Supporter

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    Microsoft Works.... LOL!
     
  2. GOLDZILLA

    GOLDZILLA Harvurd Koleej Jeenyus Midas Member

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  3. Bottom Feeder

    Bottom Feeder Hypophthalmichthys molitrix Silver Miner Site Supporter

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    Stupid decisions are always the easiest.
    Never trade luck for skill

    BF
     
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  4. GOLDZILLA

    GOLDZILLA Harvurd Koleej Jeenyus Midas Member

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  5. michael59

    michael59 heads up-butts down Platinum Bling

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    funny...lost my phone number...just funny
     
  6. Bottom Feeder

    Bottom Feeder Hypophthalmichthys molitrix Silver Miner Site Supporter

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    You’re never as good or as bad as people say you are.

    The friends of my enemy are my enemy.

    What America needs is a better class of outlaw.

    Ain’t many problems a man can’t fix with a couple thousand dollars and a 30-06.

    In a society where everybody is guilty, the only crime is getting caught.

    BF
     
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  7. michael59

    michael59 heads up-butts down Platinum Bling

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    Yeah I gots that but ... but why should lead cost K's of dollars? couple pennies and problem solved, period. And, of course utilizing lead opens up more problems which cost's more money. U know; I'd rather die from lead poisoning than from money poisoning.....just say'yn.

    edit: My one liner is...I'd rather die from lead poisoning than from money poisoning. just clarification.
     
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2017
  8. Bottom Feeder

    Bottom Feeder Hypophthalmichthys molitrix Silver Miner Site Supporter

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    No, michael, not thousands of bucks worth a bullets, the couple thousand is for extenuating circumstances. ;)
    And some problems are justa little bigger than others and may need that extra lead.

    BF
     
  9. ErrosionOfAccord

    ErrosionOfAccord #1 Global Warmer Gold Chaser Site Supporter ++

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    Dumber than a bag of dicks in a five and dime whorehouse.
     
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  10. BarnacleBob

    BarnacleBob GIM Founding Member & Mod. Founding Member Site Mgr Site Supporter

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    Your mother & wife never saw the irony in calling you a son-of-a-bitch.

    Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

    Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”.

    Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

    Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

    My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
     
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  11. BarnacleBob

    BarnacleBob GIM Founding Member & Mod. Founding Member Site Mgr Site Supporter

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    I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said ‘No, six should be enough.’

    Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?

    Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable…like a coma.

    The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste.

    Hallmark Card: “I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost like you’re still here.”

    Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.

    If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven’t completely understood the situation.

    Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.

    When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

    Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.

    See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

    You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colon’. Need I say more?

    Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
     
  12. arminius

    arminius Gold Member Gold Chaser Site Supporter ++

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    Two blonds walk into a building, welllll you'd a thunk at least one of em would have seen it.
     
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  13. Bottom Feeder

    Bottom Feeder Hypophthalmichthys molitrix Silver Miner Site Supporter

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    Bob, Bob, yer killin' me. What are you doing, channeling George Carlin? :rotf:

    BF
     
  14. Fjpod

    Fjpod Silver Member Silver Miner

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    If you come to a fork in the road, take it.

    Nobody goes to that place anymore. It's too popular.

    Yogiisms.
     
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  15. BarnacleBob

    BarnacleBob GIM Founding Member & Mod. Founding Member Site Mgr Site Supporter

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    Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

    If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

    When we were together, you always said you’d die for me. Now that we’ve broke up, I think it’s time you kept your promise!

    If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.
     
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  16. FoundingFathers

    FoundingFathers Founder Founding Member Site Mgr Site Supporter

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    Not as stupid as the people that vote for her.
     
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  17. Zed

    Zed Size doesn't count! Midas Member

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    One liner?

    Gold is Money.
     
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  18. Zed

    Zed Size doesn't count! Midas Member

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    Was he Irish?

    [​IMG]

    Must have been.
     
  19. Zed

    Zed Size doesn't count! Midas Member

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    [​IMG]
     
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  20. Bottom Feeder

    Bottom Feeder Hypophthalmichthys molitrix Silver Miner Site Supporter

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    Dang, had to read through these again to see if I was duplicating somethin. anyhow...

    Lawyers have abolished the simple concept of right and wrong and turned it into degrees of guilt.

    No leader ever cares for the masses, it’s a relationship of opportunity, not love.

    Fear and obedience are the brick and mortar of the state.

    I think, and therefore I am exceedingly angry.​

    BF
     
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  21. stonedywankanobe

    stonedywankanobe Gold Member Gold Chaser

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    i was fecked up like a soup sandwich.
     
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  22. arminius

    arminius Gold Member Gold Chaser Site Supporter ++

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    Pantomime + one liner blond joke.

    Say "hear about the two blonds walking in the park. One says "Look at the dog with one eye over there.""

    "The other blond says";

    now slap your hand over one of your eyes, rotate your face back and forth like you are looking in the distance in a kinda breathless vapid manner and say; "Where..."
     
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2017
  23. arminius

    arminius Gold Member Gold Chaser Site Supporter ++

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    I hear the Irish created whisky in order to keep themselves from taking over the world.
     
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  24. Son of Gloin

    Son of Gloin Gold Member Gold Chaser Site Supporter ++

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    The way I heard it was God created whiskey so the Irish wouldn't end up ruling the world. I'd rather have the crazy Irish in charge than the greedy mf's that run it now. It would be more fun, I think.
     
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  25. OhWell

    OhWell Silver Member Silver Miner

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    Aim to please, shoot to kill.

    Imagine a world with no hypothetical situations.
     
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  26. Bottom Feeder

    Bottom Feeder Hypophthalmichthys molitrix Silver Miner Site Supporter

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    be careful what you wish for​

    ...
     
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  27. Bottom Feeder

    Bottom Feeder Hypophthalmichthys molitrix Silver Miner Site Supporter

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    I’ll tell you what’s wrong with society; no one drinks from the skulls of their enemies anymore.

    Idiots and fools never heed advice that would save them from an ass whooping.

    If you fool around with something long enough it will eventually break.

    Old age and treachery will defeat youth and enthusiasm every time.

    BF
     
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  28. TAEZZAR

    TAEZZAR LADY JUSTICE ISNT BLIND, SHES JUST AFRAID TO WATCH Midas Member Site Supporter

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    An error does not become a mistake, until you refuse to correct it !

    I wish I didn't know now, what I didn't know then.
     
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  29. SilverCity

    SilverCity Gold Member Gold Chaser

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    Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

    Any problem can be rendered insoluble if enough meetings are held to discuss it.

    SC
     
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  30. mtnman

    mtnman Gold Member Gold Chaser Site Supporter ++

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    In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is King

    Appear weak when you are strong, and strong when you are weak
     
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  31. TAEZZAR

    TAEZZAR LADY JUSTICE ISNT BLIND, SHES JUST AFRAID TO WATCH Midas Member Site Supporter

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    "You shall know the truth & it shall make you mad !"

    "Silence is complicity. Speak now or surrender your ground !"

    "Lotto, a tax on people who are bad at math "

    "Lead me not into Temptation - I can find it myself"

    "Perfume - any smell used to drown a worse one"

    "There's one 4 letter word you don't hear much anymore, cash"

    "Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious"

    "Fuck You, strong letter to follow"
     
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  32. michael59

    michael59 heads up-butts down Platinum Bling

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    I knew what I should have done but ziggd when I should have zaggd.

    now the quote needs to be x-plained to me cuz I am bewildered.
     
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  33. Goldhedge

    Goldhedge Modal Operator/Moderator Site Mgr Site Supporter

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    Let me be honest with you....
     
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  34. mtnman

    mtnman Gold Member Gold Chaser Site Supporter ++

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    RUN FOREST RUN!
     
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  35. Bottom Feeder

    Bottom Feeder Hypophthalmichthys molitrix Silver Miner Site Supporter

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    tnx, fellas

    BF
     
  36. ErrosionOfAccord

    ErrosionOfAccord #1 Global Warmer Gold Chaser Site Supporter ++

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    "Whoa - Is that a haircut or did you lose a bet?"
     
  37. michael59

    michael59 heads up-butts down Platinum Bling

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    Love it...when I bet I don't bet money, nope, I bet loser has to set on the corner with a sign saying "do not need money need to quit losing bets." Just can't get no takers on it.
     
  38. Bottom Feeder

    Bottom Feeder Hypophthalmichthys molitrix Silver Miner Site Supporter

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    Sorry kids...
    Its me agin...

    You can't fix stupid, especially where politicians are concerned

    Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't

    The anticipation of pain greatly exceeds its application

    Only the foolish are regaled by the misery of others.

    BF
     
  39. mtnman

    mtnman Gold Member Gold Chaser Site Supporter ++

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    Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

    I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary

    I started out with nothing & I still have most of it left.

    I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
     
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