1. Weds am and metals are quiet after recent gains
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  2. Good Weds Morning! We have Gold down 1.6 to 1211, while Silver is down 2 to 1712. Crude is off 72 to 5254. The USD is up 34 to 100.66 after recent losses.
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  3. Week of 1/7/2017 Closing prices & Chg Over Last Wk---- Gold $1173.40-- UP 21.70 Silver $16.52-- UP 54 Oil $53.99 -- UP 27 TICS USD $102.21 -- DOWN 7 Based on near term futures contract--- At JMB Current price AGE 2017 $1243.95 (1), SAE $19.53 (20)
  4. Added Heartland Precious Metals out of OK and LA to the map, Added Texas Precious Metals, and Added Provident Metals.

The Bar

Discussion in 'Coffee Shack (Daily News/Energy/Economy)' started by Scorpio, Nov 29, 2016.



  1. searcher

    searcher Mother Lode Found Site Supporter ++ Mother Lode

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    [​IMG]
     
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  2. searcher

    searcher Mother Lode Found Site Supporter ++ Mother Lode

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  3. ^updated^

    ^updated^ found a way in Silver Miner

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  4. Scorpio

    Scorpio Скорпион Founding Member Board Elder Site Mgr Site Supporter ++

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    Redneck Fisherman

    A redneck with a bucket full of live fish was approached recently by a game Warden in Central Mississippi as he started to drive his boat away from a lake.

    The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?"

    "Naw, sir," replied the redneck. "I don't need none of them there papers.
    These here are my pet fish.""Pet fish?? Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into My net and I take 'em home."

    "What a line of horse sh-t...you're under arrest."

    The redneck said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment Man. I'll show ya! We do this all the time!!"

    "WE do, now, do WE?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!"

    The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited.
    After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?"

    "Well, WHUT?" said the redneck.

    The warden asked, "When are you going to call them back?"

    "Call who back?"

    "The FISH," replied the warden!

    "Whut fish?" asked the redneck.
     
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  5. Scorpio

    Scorpio Скорпион Founding Member Board Elder Site Mgr Site Supporter ++

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    Alabama Fishing

    A good ol' Alabama boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing.
    He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says...
    "What you gonna do with that. There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here."

    He says, "I won it and I'm a-gonna keep it."

    His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees
    the wife and asks where his brother is.

    She says, "He's out there in his bass boat," pointing to the field behind the house.

    The brother heads out behind the house and sees his
    brother in the middle of a big field sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand. He yells out to him, "What are you doin'?"

    His brother replies, "I'm fishin.' What does it look like I'm a doin'?"

    His brother yells, "It's people like you that give people from Alabama a bad name, makin' everybody think we're stupid. If I could swim, I'd come out there and whip your ass!"
     
  6. Scorpio

    Scorpio Скорпион Founding Member Board Elder Site Mgr Site Supporter ++

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    How Poor We Really Are
    Author Unknown

    One day, a wealthy family man took his son on a trip to the country so he could have his son see how poor country people were.

    They stayed one day and one night in the farmhouse of a very humble farm. On the way back home at the end of the trip the father asked the son, "What did you think of the trip?"

    The son replied, "Very nice, Dad."

    The father then asked, "Did you notice how poor they were?"

    The son replied, "Yes, I guess so."

    The father then added, "And what did you learn?"

    To this question, the son thought for a moment and answered slowly, "I learned that we have one dog in the house and they have four. We have a fountain in the garden and they have a stream that has no end.

    "We have fancy lanterns in our garden, while they have the stars. Our garden goes to the edge of our yard, but for their back yard, they have the entire horizon!"

    At the end of the son's reply, the rich father was speechless. His son then added: "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we really are."
     
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  7. Scorpio

    Scorpio Скорпион Founding Member Board Elder Site Mgr Site Supporter ++

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    young lady, when ya get finished, I need a beer............

    octoberfest4.jpg
     
  8. mayhem

    mayhem Silver Miner Seeker

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    Now if she be a Russian woman you would be kissed with the pot! Happens to all Russian men at least once, most learn from the experience.
     
  9. Scorpio

    Scorpio Скорпион Founding Member Board Elder Site Mgr Site Supporter ++

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  10. Scorpio

    Scorpio Скорпион Founding Member Board Elder Site Mgr Site Supporter ++

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  11. mtnman

    mtnman Gold Member Gold Chaser Site Supporter

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  12. Zed

    Zed Size doesn't count! Midas Member

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    Cut me off when I can tripe hany mrooor. OK?
     
  13. mayhem

    mayhem Silver Miner Seeker

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    Y'all make me wish I didn't give up drinkin 30 years ago.
     
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  14. Zed

    Zed Size doesn't count! Midas Member

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    If I gave up drinking I would have to smoke dope again. Truth be told if it wasn't easier to have the odd wine the odd toke would be better for my health all round. Somehow a 52 year old guy with a short hair cut is not that trusted by the local kiddy dealers.... LOL, like the lil feckers invented it...chit. Anywhoooooo... I like a good drop, so, until it is legal here I will put up with its short comings. Moderation in all things. :D I have never propped up a bar nor will I ever. :p
     
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  15. Zed

    Zed Size doesn't count! Midas Member

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    Didn't know you could sing!
     
  16. mtnman

    mtnman Gold Member Gold Chaser Site Supporter

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    You call that "singing"? So where's Magenta?
     
  17. Scorpio

    Scorpio Скорпион Founding Member Board Elder Site Mgr Site Supporter ++

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    Courtroom Comedy

    These are from a book called "Disorder In The Court" and are things people said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were taking place.

    Q: Are you sexually active?
    A: No, I just lie there.

    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July fifteenth.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.

    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

    Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

    Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.

    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.

    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.

    Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?

    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?

    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?

    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

    Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.

    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr.. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere



    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2017
  18. Scorpio

    Scorpio Скорпион Founding Member Board Elder Site Mgr Site Supporter ++

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    NOT AFRAID

    A few minutes before the church services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

    The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

    "Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.

    "Nope, sure ain't." said the man.

    "Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.

    "Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.

    "Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.

    "Yep," was the calm reply.

    "And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.

    "Nope."

    More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"

    The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
     
  19. Scorpio

    Scorpio Скорпион Founding Member Board Elder Site Mgr Site Supporter ++

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    Little Johnny

    Little Johnny went to Sunday school one Sunday. The lesson for the day was from Genesis. "God opened up Adam's side, took a rib from him, and created Eve from it," was what really struck Johnny.

    Later, that afternoon, Johnny started feeing sick, and his side began to hurt. He layed down on the couch, and after about half an hour, his mother came over and asked him if he was feeling okay. He said, "Not really - I think I'm gonna have a wife."
     
  20. mayhem

    mayhem Silver Miner Seeker

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    Try being 74 and scoring some weed...... :belly laugh:
     
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  21. Zed

    Zed Size doesn't count! Midas Member

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    I'm gonna by seeds off the internutz, apparently that is legal (?!), then I can grow my own plant or two. That they pretty well ignore here, personal use gets a tich, tich at the worst.
     
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  22. mayhem

    mayhem Silver Miner Seeker

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    Me also..
    Great avatar Homer!
     
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  23. searcher

    searcher Mother Lode Found Site Supporter ++ Mother Lode

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  24. searcher

    searcher Mother Lode Found Site Supporter ++ Mother Lode

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  25. searcher

    searcher Mother Lode Found Site Supporter ++ Mother Lode

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  26. searcher

    searcher Mother Lode Found Site Supporter ++ Mother Lode

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    [​IMG]
     
  27. searcher

    searcher Mother Lode Found Site Supporter ++ Mother Lode

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  28. Scorpio

    Scorpio Скорпион Founding Member Board Elder Site Mgr Site Supporter ++

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    A story from a Kansas State Highway Patrol officer

    Story from a Kansas State Highway Patrol officer:

    I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding on U.S. 166 Eastbound at Mile Marker 73 just East of Sedan, KS.

    I asked for her driver's license, registration, and proof of insurance.

    The lady took out the required information and handed it to me.

    In with the cards I was somewhat surprised (due to her advanced age) to see she had a conceal carry permit. I looked at her and ask if she had a weapon in her possession at this time.

    She responded that she indeed had a .45 automatic in her glove box.

    Something---body language, or the way she said it---made me want to ask if she had any other firearms. She did admit to also having a 9mm Glock in her center console. Now I had to ask one more
    time if that was all.

    She responded once again that she did have just one more, a .38 special in her purse. I then asked her what was she so afraid of.

    She looked me right in the eye and said, "Not a damn thing!"
     
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  29. Scorpio

    Scorpio Скорпион Founding Member Board Elder Site Mgr Site Supporter ++

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    Two hunters, who were professors at Georgia Tech, hired a pilot , who was a University of Tennessee grad, to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged four.

    As they started loading the plane for the return trip home, the pilot tells them the plane can take only two moose.

    The two professors objected strongly, stating, "Last year we shot four moose, and the pilot let us put them all on board, and he had the same plane as yours."

    Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all four were loaded.

    Unfortunately, even at full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and crashed a few minutes after takeoff.

    Climbing out of the wreck, one professor asked the other, "Any idea where we are?"

    He replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
     
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