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JOKE OF THE DAY!?!

TAEZZAR

LADY JUSTICE ISNT BLIND, SHES JUST AFRAID TO WATCH
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This is no joke, but reality, but it is humerus, so I put it here . :meditation:
AND THEN IT IS WINTER
You know time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of
the passing years. It seems like yesterday that I was young, just
married, and embarking on my new life with my mate. Yet in a way, it
seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all those years went.

I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of how it was back then
and of all my hopes and dreams. But, here it is... the winter of my
life, and it catches me by surprise... How did I get here so fast? Where
did the years go and where did my youth go? I remember well seeing older
people through the years and thinking that those "older people" were
years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not
fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like.

But, here it is...my friends are retired and getting grey... they move
slower and I see an older person in myself now. Some are in better and
some worse shape than me... but, I see the great change... Not like the
ones that I remember who were young and vibrant...but, like me, their
age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used
to see and never thought we'd be.

Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the
day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore... it's mandatory! Cause if
I don't on my own free will... I just fall asleep where I sit!

And so... now I enter this new season of my life unprepared for all the
aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things
that I wish I had done but never did!! But, at least I know, that though
the winter has come, and I'm not sure how long it will last... this I
know, that when it's over on this earth... it's over. A new adventure
will begin!

Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done... things I
should have done, but indeed, there are also many things I'm happy to
have done. It's all in a lifetime.

So, if you're not in your winter yet... let me remind you, that it will
be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish
in your life, please do it quickly! Don't put things off too long!! Life
goes by quickly. So, do what you can TODAY, as you can never be sure
whether this is your winter or not!

You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life...
so, LIVE FOR TODAY and say all the things that you want your loved ones
to remember.. and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the
things that you have done for them in all the years past!!

"Life" is a GIFT to you. The way you live your life is your gift to
those who come after. Make it a fantastic one.

Remember: "It is Health that is real Wealth and not pieces of gold and
silver."

~Your kids are becoming you......but your grandchildren are perfect!
~Going out is good.. coming home is even better!
~You forget names... but it's OK, because other people forgot they even
knew you!!!
~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything....
especially golf.
~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you
really do care that you don't care to do them anymore.

~You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed.
It's called "pre-sleep."
~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF"
switch..
~You tend to use more 4 letter words ... "what?"..."when?"...???
~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it
anywhere.
~You notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless?!"
~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
~Everybody whispers.
~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet.... 2 of which you will
never wear.

~But "Old" is good in some things:
Old Songs, Old movies ...
and best of all, our dear ...OLD FRIENDS!!

Stay well, "OLD FRIEND!"​
 

Son of Gloin

Certainty of death? What are we waiting for?
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No strings attached.
I think that is what she is saying. I’m not worth having a relationship with and I really don’t want one, but if you want a quick bang, I’m your girl.
 

BarnacleBob

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BarnacleBob

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BarnacleBob

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BarnacleBob

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BarnacleBob

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BarnacleBob

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BarnacleBob

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TAEZZAR

LADY JUSTICE ISNT BLIND, SHES JUST AFRAID TO WATCH
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Joseph

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newmisty

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Classic:

 

the_shootist

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mtnman

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Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Darryl and Gary.
The three men had always done everything together!!!!!
Darryl arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Darryl said, “Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.”
The mortician rolled him over, and Darryl said, “Nope, ain’t Bubba.”
The mortician thought this was rather strange. Then he brought Gary in to identify the body.
Gary looked at the body and said, “Yup he’s pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.” The mortician rolled him over and Gary said, “No, it ain’t Bubba.”
The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”
Gary said, “Well, Bubba had two assholes.”
“What? He had two assholes?” asked the mortician.
Yup, I’ve never seen ‘em, but everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, “Here comes Bubba with them two assholes!”
 

newmisty

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How many women think:

 

Goldhedge

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A SHORT LOVE STORY

A man and a woman who had never met before,
but who were both married to other people,
found themselves assigned to the same sleeping
room on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over
sharing a room, they were both very tired and
fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth
and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke
the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you,
but would you be willing to reach into the closet
to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight,
let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!", he exclaimed.

"'Good", she replied. "Get your own fucking blanket."

After a moment of silence, he farted.

The end