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JOKE OF THE DAY!?!

BarnacleBob

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BarnacleBob

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TAEZZAR

LADY JUSTICE ISNT BLIND, SHES JUST AFRAID TO WATCH
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Lt Dan

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That has been most of my life !
At 3AM, all my old brain tells me is, "Hey, time to get up and pee!"

How much longer before it says, "Did you remember to put on that Depends last night?"

Lucky for me, I'm not quite there..., yet!

At least my brain is still waking me up.
 

the_shootist

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At 3AM, all my old brain tells me is, "Hey, time to get up and pee!"

How much longer before it says, "Did you remember to put on that Depends last night?"

Lucky for me, I'm not quite there..., yet!

At least my brain is still waking me up.
I hear ya man!!
 

Goldhedge

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Weatherman

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How big is that image, Goldhedge? It breaks my internet and never loads completely.
 

BarnacleBob

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According to a 19th century legend, the Truth and the Lie meet one day. The Lie says to the Truth: "It's a marvellous day today"! The Truth looks up to the skies and sighs, for the day was really beautiful. They spend a lot of time together, ultimately arriving beside a well. The Lie tells the Truth: "The water is very nice, let's take a bath together!" The Truth, once again suspicious, tests the water and discovers that it indeed is very nice. They undress and start bathing. Suddenly, the Lie comes out of the water, puts on the clothes of the Truth and runs away. The furious Truth comes out of the well and runs everywhere to find the Lie and to get her clothes back. The World, seeing the Truth naked, turns its gaze away, with contempt and rage.
The poor Truth returns to the well and disappears forever, hiding therein, its shame. Since then, the Lie travels around the world, dressed as the Truth, satisfying the needs of society, because, the World, in any case, harbours no wish at all to meet the naked Truth.

The world famous painting- "The Truth coming out of the well" Jean-Léon Gérôme, 1896.

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the_shootist

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arminius

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^^^ As well as attempting to do everything they can to control the thought processes on the interwebs. Specially on a truth of real money (vs dream cream debt usuary n fiat) site such as this.
 

Bottom Feeder

Hypophthalmichthys molitrix
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^^^ As well as attempting to do everything they can to control the thought processes on the interwebs. Specially on a truth of real money (vs dream cream debt usuary n fiat) site such as this.
We've had a few cats like that on the site here.
we usually burn em...
Cat.jpg
 

Goldhedge

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Bottom Feeder

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After a long and hedonistic life Charlie passed away. Or thought he did. He opened his eyes staring at red dirt. He rolled over, sat up and looked around, he was naked, it was dull orange in all directions, off in the distance two people approached, leaving a red dust cloud settling against the dull orange background. Oh shit, he thought.

The couple resolved themselves as they got closer to a blond woman with big tits in a skimpy gown and ... what the fuck! — that red guy with a tail, laughing and talking beside her, carrying a bottle of something must be SATAN! Holy Shit thought Charlie, I'm in trouble now.

When they got to about ten or so feet away, Satan shouted out, Hey, Charlie, welcome to Hell! And walked up with the blond in tow. She was beautiful, but seemed to be awful quite. Charlie stood up saying; Mister, uh, uh... and Satan said; call me Luce, I got some welcome gifts for ya. They'll be with you the rest of your stay here.

When they got close. Charlie could see the blond had a small smile on her lips. Luce says to him; First of all, this woman here is yours. I know how they always bothered you with their yappin back on Earth. Well, this one won't — she don't have a mouth.

Charlie took a better look. Well I'll be damned, a woman that didn't chatter incessantly, what a great welcome gift. Man, did she ever have a nice ass, Charlie was gittin a stiffy already.

Did you say gifts?

Sure, this here bottle of your favorite whiskey, Hennessey Five Star, is yours as well, and Luce handed him the full bottle of whiskey.

With visions of a never ending bottle of whiskey and never ending sex, Charlie says I think I'm gonna like it here and twists the cap off the bottle and lifts it up to take a big swallow. He lets it down with a frown on his face and says; It's empty.

Luce says, yeah I know, it's gotta hole in the bottom of it. After all, this is Hell.

Charlie looks the at blond, then back at Satan. What about the girl?

She doesn't, answers Luce.
 

Goldhedge

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Oh Shyt!

 

mtnman

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Goldhedge

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Evl Bnkr

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GREAT DEFINITIONS OF PLAIN WORDS.
ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.


BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.


CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.


CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.


COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.


DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.


EG OTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.


HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.


INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.


MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.


TOOTHACHE:

The pain that drives you to extraction.


TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.

and MY Personal Favorite!!

WRINKLES:
Something other people have,

similar to my character
lines.