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JOKE OF THE DAY!?!

engineear

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To you I ask...arent you a man?
No, I'm a woman.
Do you have a uterus?
Yes, I do.
Really? Then, you can have a baby?
Yes, I .can.
Then go fuck yourself!..AND, you're a lieing, truly a dog faced phony pony soldier. Now, take off that stoopid dress, man up, and get a psych eval before your mother sees you...ya dumbass.
 

the_shootist

Trump 2020
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the_shootist

Trump 2020
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the_shootist

Trump 2020
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Nevertrumpster Fantasy Porn

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BarnacleBob

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engineear

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mtnman

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mtnman

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Goldhedge

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Goldhedge

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TAEZZAR

LADY JUSTICE ISNT BLIND, SHES JUST AFRAID TO WATCH
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HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH !!! :rotf::rotf::rotf::rotf::rotf::don't    know2:

I just got this from COSTCO ! Will TP be next ?
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Goldhedge

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It's no joke...

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mtnman

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Evl Bnkr

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I hope they give us two weeks-notice before sending us back out into the real world. I think we'll all need the time to become ourselves again. And by "ourselves" I mean lose 10 pounds, cut our hair and get used to not drinking at 9:00 a.m


Quarantine monthly budget: Gas $0 Entertainment $0 Clothes $0 Groceries $29,685.


Low maintenance chicks are having their moment right now. We don't have nails to file and paint, roots to dye, eyelashes to re-mink, and are thrilled not to have to get dressed every day. I have been training for this moment my entire life!


When this quarantine is over, let's not tell some people.


I stepped on my scale this morning. It said: "Please practice social distancing. Only one person at a time on scale."

Not to brag, but I haven't been late to anything in over 6 weeks.


It may take a village to raise a child but I swear its going to take a vineyard to home school one.

I wanted zombies and anarchy. Instead we got working from home and toilet paper shortages.
Worst. Apocalypse. Ever.


You know those car commercials where there's only one vehicle on the road - doesn't seem so unrealistic these days ...
Wish it could stay that way


They can open things up, but I'm staying in until July to see what happens to you all first.

Day 37: The garbage man placed an AA flyer on my recycling bin.

The spread of Covid-19 is based on two things:
1. How dense the population is.
2. How dense the population is.

Appropriate analogy: "The curve is flattening so we can start lifting restrictions now" = "The parachute has slowed our rate of descent, so we can take it off now".

People keep asking: "Is coronavirus REALLY all that serious?" Listen y'all, the churches and casinos are closed. When heaven and hell agree on the same thing it's probably pretty serious.


Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask and ask for money.


Home school Day 1: I'm trying to figure out how I can get this kid transferred out of my class.


Putting a drink in each room of my house today and calling it a pub crawl.


Okay, the schools are closed. So do we drop the kids off at the teacher's house or what?



Coronavirus has turned us all into dogs. We wander around the house looking for food. We get told "No" if we get too close to strangers and we get really excited about going for walks and car rides.



Enjoy your day. You don't have anything else to do.​
 

JayDubya

pies klasy robotniczej
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The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were "protecting."

Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide to use a deaf and mute person for this job. If he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.

On his first week, the collector picks up over $40,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place.

The Mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf and mute collector.

The hoods find the collector and ask him where the money is.

The deaf and mute collector can't communicate with them, so the Mafia drags the guy to an interpreter.

The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, "Ask him where da money is." The interpreter signs, "Where's the money?"

The dumb man signs back, "I don't know what you're talking about." The interpreter tells the hood, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The hood pulls out a .38 and places it in the ear of the collector. "Now ask him where the money is!"

The interpreter signs, "Where is the money? The deaf man signs back, "The $40,000 is in a tree stump in Central Park."

The interpreter says to the hood, "He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about, and doesn't think you have the guts to pull the trigger."
 

Goldhedge

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Goldhedge

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Goldhedge

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