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JOKE OF THE DAY!?!

mtnman

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LIVING IN TENNESSEE or KENTUCKY


*Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
*There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in Tennessee .
*There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Tennessee , plus a couple no one's seen before.
*If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
*Onced and Twiced are words.
*It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.
*People actually grow and eat okra.
*'Fixinto' is one word.
*There is no such thing as 'lunch.' There is only dinner and then supper.
*Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!
*Backwards and forwards means 'I know everything about you.'
*DJeet is actually a phrase meaning 'Did you eat?'
*In Kentucky you don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
*You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.
*In both Kentucky and Tennessee you measure distance in minutes.
*You'll probably have to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day.
*'Fix' is a verb. Example: 'I'm fixing to go to the store.'
*All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
*You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
*You carry jumper cables in your car . . . for your OWN car.
*There are only four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.
*The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
*The first day of deer season is a national holiday.
*100 degrees Fahrenheit is 'a little warm.'
*We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
*Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as 'goin' Wal-martin' or off to 'Wally World.'
*A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean weather.
*A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop. . . . it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: 'What kinda coke you want?'
*Fried catfish is the other white meat.
*We don't need no stinking driver's ed . . . if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.
 

Goldhedge

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Goldhedge

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Goldhedge

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Bottom Feeder

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Last edited:

mtnman

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I had one of those in the old days, 1980's. It was 14' in diameter spun steel. I built a positioner from a hospital bed screw jack. I had to disguise it as an umbrella over a picnic table so the county would not cite me for having it in my front yard. Back then all the sports were hot off the field and the camera was never turned off, you'd listen to the announcers talk and all the activity on the field when the commercials were on.
 

Goldhedge

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A woman was taking her late husband to the undertakers.

He was wearing his best suit, a charcoal grey suit.

The woman knew it was her husbands dying wish to be buried in a blue suit, something that they had never been able to afford when he was alive.

So, she told the undertaker about her husband's wish, acknowledging that she couldn't afford a new suit, and she asked him if there was anything he could do.

The undertaker told the widow that he would do what he could and to come back in three days. When the widow returned three days later, she found her husband in his coffin, wearing a stunning blue suit. She was overcome with gratitude and asked the undertaker how he'd managed this.

The undertaker replied, not half an hour after you left, a lady brought in her late husband, who was wearing a blue suit.

She told me how he'd always wanted to buried in a grey suit, but she couldn't afford a new one, so I told her I'd see what I could do and to return in three days.

After she'd left, I checked and he was about the same height and build as your husband so I swapped the heads.
 

Someone_else

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^^^ Yes, our "local" WM has those stupid signs, but half the people don't bother, or they actively oppose them. No big deal. There were not enough people there to make congestion. I mean, a typical shopping aisle had one to four people. And we were polite about moving around each other.
 

Uglytruth

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If there is any truth to that open carry (legal here) and concealing your face. It seems it would stop the argument in it's tracks because all Karen knows is must wear a mask. She would be rendered speechless!
 

Goldhedge

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Goldhedge

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How not to light a car on fire

 

BarnacleBob

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