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JOKE OF THE DAY!?!

JayDubya

pies klasy robotniczej
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Three guys died and when St. Peter met them at the pearly gates, he said,
"I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. Before I let you
into Heaven, I have to ask you something.
You have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is so big. What kind of
car you get will depend on your answer." The first guy walked up and
St. Peter asked him, "How long were you married?" He answered,
"24 years." "Did you ever cheat on your wife?", St. Peter asked. The
guy said, "Yeah, 7 times ... but you said I was forgiven." St. Peter said,
"Yeah, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto to drive."
The second guy walked up and got the same question from St. Peter.
He answered, "I was married for 41 years and cheated on her once,
but that was our first year and we really worked it out." St. Peter said,
"I'm pleased to hear that. Here's a Lincoln."
The third guy walked up and said, "St. Peter, I know what you're going
to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman!
I treated my wife like a queen!" St. Peter said, "That's what I like to hear.
Here's a Jaguar!"
A few days later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto saw the guy
with the Jaguar, crying on the golden sidewalk. When they asked him what
was wrong, he said, "I just saw my wife. She was on a skateboard!"
 

hammerhead

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A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when a guy in police uniform sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador
Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.
The man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why it was
allowed on the plane.
The Policeman explained that he was from the Drugs Enforcement
Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'.
'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.'
The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the Policeman said, 'Watch this.'
He told Sniffer to 'search'.
Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.
The Policeman said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That
woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.'
'Gee, that's pretty good,' replied the first man.
Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.
The Policeman said, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a
note of his seat number for the police.'
'I like it!' said his seat mate.
The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again.
Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle
seat and proceeded to shit all over the place.
The first man was really disgusted by this behavior and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that. So he asked the
Policeman, 'What's going on?'
The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.'
That joke reminded me of a real life police demo at the town school. Once the dogs were brought out, I watched a guy run/walk towards the exit with a worried look on his face.
 

Varmint Hunter

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kiffertom

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daddy daddy whats a pussy? whats a cunt? dad thought for a minute then went and got a playboy. he opened it to the centerfold took out a black marker and drew a circle around her pubic area. he said son everything inside the circle is a pussy! everything outside the circle is a ....
 

GOLDBRIX

God,Donald Trump,most in GIM2 I Trust. OTHERS-meh
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1598642229719.png
 

Goldhedge

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Goldhedge

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Screen Shot 2020-08-29 at 1.01.48 PM.png
 

BarnacleBob

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I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labour.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Yours Sincerely, Mr. P. Niss

The Response:

Dear Mr P Niss:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed assigned task.

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Yours Sincerely, Miss. V. Gina
 

Uglytruth

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BarnacleBob

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FB_IMG_1598796697237.jpg
 

mtnman

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BarnacleBob

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Whats WRONG with this picture?

FB_IMG_1598801882137.jpg
 

Son of Gloin

Certainty of death? What are we waiting for?
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GOLDBRIX

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Yep, PERFECT
 

Goldhedge

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Abbott & Costello Who's On First

 

BarnacleBob

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BarnacleBob

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BarnacleBob

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