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JOKE OF THE DAY!?!

Goldhedge

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Vertical Video Syndrome A PSA (Glove and Boots)

 

BarnacleBob

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Hey everyone, I thought I would let you know, that yesterday I volunteered for the vaccine trials for Covid-19, held here in the Orlando area. The vaccine is one that was created in Russia. I received my first shot yesterday at 4:00 pm, and I wanted to let you all know that it’s completely safe, with иo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshκι χoρoshό я чувствую себя немного странно и я думаю, что вытащил ослиные уши.
 

Krag

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From The Dictionary of Altered Words

cashtration (n.) – The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time. giraffiti (n.) – Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. inoculatte (v.) – To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. intaxication (n.) – Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. sarchasm (n.) – The gulf between an author of sarcastic wit and the person who just doesn't get it.
 

gringott

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Pentagon - Department of Defense officials have elected to remove the writing on the M18 Claymore, an anti-personnel weapon utilized by infantry and ground forces. Troops have often been confused by which side faces towards the enemy, so the writing was included so there wouldn't be any accidents when emplacing the explosive device that expels thousands of tiny ball bearings when initiated. The decision to remove the writing was made in an attempt to "clean up" the force.

"We discussed the education and intelligence level of both our enlisted personnel and officers," stated MAJ Henry, a spokesperson for the DOD. "The amount of money we would have to invest in education to close the overall intelligence gap amongst all of our branches is staggering; something in the tens of billions. By simply removing three words from the claymore, we won't have to spend a dime. We can knock out two birds with one stone by ensuring more range time for our Marine Corps and Army personnel, while also letting nature run its course, so to say."

Though efficient, the ethical decision to increase attrition rates through a sort of "natural selection" sounds barbaric when first proposed. However, as we visit the many Army Posts and Marine Corps Camps across the nation and get to know the troops, the plan seems to make perfect sense. The Navy said they won't implement similar measures with their ordnance because "our toxic leadership, while all of these Sailors are packed onto these boats together, seems to be getting the job done for us just fine."
 

Ensoniq

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This is hilarious. That little 8 year old being interviewed

That guy came in my house I told him I was going to shoot him. he didn’t think it was a real gun. He told me he was going to kill me. I shot with a FMJ and he started crying like a little baby

 

Goldhedge

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Screen Shot 2020-09-18 at 10.15.56 PM.png
 

Goldhedge

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gringott

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warning!





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Someone_else

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Okay, the mourning period is over for me. Back to humor.

Remember the scene in "Caddyshack" where people thought there was a turd in the pool? And it turned out to be a candy bar. What was the name of that candy bar? I'll wait for the answer :)
 

WillA2

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Okay, the mourning period is over for me. Back to humor.

Remember the scene in "Caddyshack" where people thought there was a turd in the pool? And it turned out to be a candy bar. What was the name of that candy bar? I'll wait for the answer :)
Baby Ruth.

:winks2:
 

Someone_else

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I once told a guy at Menards that I wanted to buy some 4x4 posts that won't warp. He looked at me like I was asking for chicken soda.

I know that they used to exist. I have seen them, many years (decades?) old! So why can't I buy them now?!
 

the_shootist

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MrLucky

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One day two carrots were walking down the street. They were the best of friends. Just as they started to step off the curb a car came speeding around the corner and ran one of them over.

The unhurt carrot called an ambulance and helped his friend as best he could. He was taken to emergecy at the hospital, and rushed away.

After many hours of agonized waiting, the doctor came out. He walked over to the distraught carrot and said "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through."

"The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life".