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JOKE OF THE DAY!?!
- Thread starter SilverNuts&Bolts
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From my brother ConantheLibertarian:
"Before I die, I should end Nuclear Power on a global scale before people get hurt.
Admiral Rickover: "If you make one mistake, that’s your fault. If you’re around to make a second mistake, that would be my fault".
( Day One, 1978 )".
First day of Nuclear Power Training for the US NAVY.
Yeah he knew Adm. Rickover and the Adm. knew him. Gb
Different Views (Second Edition)…(From Steven Wright, famous scientist)
I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. The colder the xray table, the longer you’re required to be on it. If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. What happens if you get half scared to death twice? All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand. I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. Half the people you know are below average. Everyone has a photographic memory; most just don’t have film.
And a few newspaper headlines of note: Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Farmer Bill Dies in House Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? Stud Tires Out Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over Eye Drops of Shelf Teacher Strikes Idle Kids Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told Miners Refuse to Work after Death Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant Checkout Counter Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. The colder the xray table, the longer you’re required to be on it. If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. What happens if you get half scared to death twice? All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand. I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. Half the people you know are below average. Everyone has a photographic memory; most just don’t have film.
And a few newspaper headlines of note: Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Farmer Bill Dies in House Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? Stud Tires Out Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over Eye Drops of Shelf Teacher Strikes Idle Kids Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told Miners Refuse to Work after Death Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant Checkout Counter Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
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A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says.
The two Englishmen just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?" No response.
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.
The first Englishman turns to the second and says, "Maybe we should learn a foreign language...."
"Why?" says the other, "That bloke knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says.
The two Englishmen just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?" No response.
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.
The first Englishman turns to the second and says, "Maybe we should learn a foreign language...."
"Why?" says the other, "That bloke knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."
BarnacleBob
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BarnacleBob
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An old farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general, began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The farmer said, “Having some problems with circle flies?
“Well yeah if that’s what they are — I never heard of circle flies”.
So the farmer says —
“Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they’re called circle flies because they’re almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.”
The trooper says, “Oh,” and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, “Hey… wait a minute, are you trying to call me horses back end?”
The farmer says,
“Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you horses back end.”
The trooper says,
“Well, that’s a good thing,” and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer says,
“Hard to fool them flies though.”
Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The farmer said, “Having some problems with circle flies?
“Well yeah if that’s what they are — I never heard of circle flies”.
So the farmer says —
“Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they’re called circle flies because they’re almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.”
The trooper says, “Oh,” and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, “Hey… wait a minute, are you trying to call me horses back end?”
The farmer says,
“Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you horses back end.”
The trooper says,
“Well, that’s a good thing,” and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer says,
“Hard to fool them flies though.”
BarnacleBob
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BarnacleBob
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BarnacleBob
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Son of Gloin
Certainty of death? What are we waiting for?
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I posted this in another thread, but I listened to this whole interview and did not catch that he said that word. Why wasn’t it bleeped out???
Never mind. Joe Pags said they caught it before it went out over the regular airwaves, but folks with Ditto-Cam heard it. That’s why I didn’t hear it.
Never mind. Joe Pags said they caught it before it went out over the regular airwaves, but folks with Ditto-Cam heard it. That’s why I didn’t hear it.
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BarnacleBob
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