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JOKE OF THE DAY!?!

Goldhedge

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This is a sad story of bottomless depression that can haunt a man, a society, a nation, a planet..

My friend James was sick and tired of the insanity permeating the world; Covid - 19, Brexit, Russian belligerence, global warming, racial tensions, the existential political battle between left & right and the rest of the disturbing stories that continue to occupy the media’s attention.

He was at his wits end and determined to put an end to this overwhelming madness, So, James drove his car into his garage and then sealed every doorway and window as well as he could. Then, he sat back in his car, lowered the windows, selected his favorite radio station and started the car.

Two days later, a worried neighbor peered through his garage window and saw him lifeless in the car. She notified 911 emergency services and they came within 10 minutes of her call, broke in the garage door and pulled James from the car.


After a little sip of water he was surprisingly alert and his condition was deemed excellent, but unfortunately his Tesla had a dead battery.
 

Goldhedge

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Goldhedge

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Uglytruth

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This is a sad story of bottomless depression that can haunt a man, a society, a nation, a planet..

My friend James was sick and tired of the insanity permeating the world; Covid - 19, Brexit, Russian belligerence, global warming, racial tensions, the existential political battle between left & right and the rest of the disturbing stories that continue to occupy the media’s attention.

He was at his wits end and determined to put an end to this overwhelming madness, So, James drove his car into his garage and then sealed every doorway and window as well as he could. Then, he sat back in his car, lowered the windows, selected his favorite radio station and started the car.

Two days later, a worried neighbor peered through his garage window and saw him lifeless in the car. She notified 911 emergency services and they came within 10 minutes of her call, broke in the garage door and pulled James from the car.


After a little sip of water he was surprisingly alert and his condition was deemed excellent, but unfortunately his Tesla had a dead battery.
Friend owns a garage...... says it will run out of gas before you die with todays cars......
 

Ensoniq

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the_shootist

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Varmint Hunter

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"I know it's juvenile, but seeing someone piss on a live electrical wire is still funny".
 

the_shootist

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the_shootist

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GOLDBRIX

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Goldhedge

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the_shootist

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the_shootist

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Goldhedge

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Texas Reloaded - Greatest joint campaign ad in history

 

JayDubya

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This has probably been posted here before, but with an election looming I figured it's a good time for it again.

While walking down the street one day a corrupt Senator was hit by an automobile and tragically died.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven...

So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell...

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.

"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil smiles at him and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning, Today, you voted"