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JOKE OF THE DAY!?!

TAEZZAR

LADY JUSTICE ISNT BLIND, SHES JUST AFRAID TO WATCH
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A Californian's planned demise
Brad lived in California and was a lifelong environmentalist. He was sick of the world; of the Covid-19, Brexit, Russian belligerence, global warming, racial tensions, and the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy media headlines.
Brad drove his car into his garage and then sealed every doorway and window as best he could. He got back into his car and wound down all the windows, selected his favorite radio station, started the car and revved it to a slow idle. Four days later, a worried neighbor peered through his garage window and saw him in the car. She notified the emergency services and they broke in, pulling Brad from the car.
A little sip of water and, surprisingly, he was in perfect condition. But his Tesla had a dead battery.​
 

Goldhedge

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Varmint Hunter

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newmisty

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George Carlin Stand Up Jokes

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that..
I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids instead of assteroids?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

I never fucked a ten, but one night, I fucked five twos.

What year did Jesus think it was?

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie...in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.

The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren't quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a little practice.

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Where are we going? And what's with this hand basket?.

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole damn airplane made out of that shit?

Get on the plane, get on the plane. I say, FUCK YOU! I'm getting IN the plane! Evel Knievel can get ON the plane. There seems to be less wind in here!

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

In America anyone can become President. That's the problem.

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.

You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
 

TAEZZAR

LADY JUSTICE ISNT BLIND, SHES JUST AFRAID TO WATCH
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The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie...in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
The best. :angry then happy::2 thumbs up::piss:judge:piss:judge:piss:judge
But all are great !
 

Goldhedge

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mtnman

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mtnman

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Goldhedge

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Goldhedge

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mtnman

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Goldhedge

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mtnman

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mtnman

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A man owned a small ranch near Great Falls, Montana. The Montana Labor Department got a tip that he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an investigator out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the investigator.
"Well," replied the rancher, "there's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1200 a week plus free room and board."
"The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $1000 per week plus free room and board."
"Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day, with no days off, and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week and pays his own room and board."
"But, I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night, and he also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to... the half-wit," says the investigator.
"You're talking to him," replied the rancher.
 

newmisty

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