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JOKE OF THE DAY!?!

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A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!" Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want... On any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?!"

The rancher kindly nodded, apologized, and went about his chores. Moments later the rancher heard loud screams, he looked up and saw the DEA agent running for his life, being chased by the ranchers big Santa Gertrudis Bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it was likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The old rancher threw down his tools, ran as fast as he could to the fence, and yelled at the top of his lungs......

"YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!"
 

Goldhedge

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Goldhedge

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the_shootist

Old (not THAT old), but dangerous, pasty white guy
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Goldhedge

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mtnman

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GOLDBRIX

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Son of Gloin

Certainty of death? What are we waiting for?
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Pat at the Barbershop - Saturday Night Live

I actually met a person like that, once, quite a few years ago. I can’t even recall the circumstances, now. But, I will tell you what. You can’t imagine the confusion in my mind over not being able to tell who I was talking to. We had a short conversation about something or other, probably just saying hello, how are you doing as we were introduced and the whole time, my mind was racing, trying to figure out whether I had met a guy or gal. And no, I can’t recall his/her name at this point in time, but it must have been one of those interchangeable man/woman names, because it didn’t help to know. It was crazy.
 

Ensoniq

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I actually met a person like that, once, quite a few years ago. I can’t even recall the circumstances, now. But, I will tell you what. You can’t imagine the confusion in my mind over not being able to tell who I was talking to. We had a short conversation about something or other, probably just saying hello, how are you doing as we were introduced and the whole time, my mind was racing, trying to figure out whether I had met a guy or gal. And no, I can’t recall his/her name at this point in time, but it must have been one of those interchangeable man/woman names, because it didn’t help to know. It was crazy.
The “Pat sketch” worked a little bit back in the day when there were two genders.

It’s no surprise half the liberals don’t get it since they’ve all become androgynous themselves
 

Someone_else

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Yeah, the "serving size" is usually too low. Like for a child. But in some cases, it makes sense as a side dish.
 

Someone_else

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The “Pat sketch” worked a little bit back in the day when there were two genders.
I watched some of those sketches. I thought they were stupid and a waste of my time. Well, I thought most of SNL was a waste of my time around then, before I stopped watching entirely. For the last decade (or two), my feelings for SNL is that it is a battered wife syndrome. "Yes, it sucked last time, but maybe this one will be funny." NO. It has been bad for a long time, at least one decade, probably two.
 

Ensoniq

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I watched some of those sketches. I thought they were stupid and a waste of my time. Well, I thought most of SNL was a waste of my time around then, before I stopped watching entirely. For the last decade (or two), my feelings for SNL is that it is a battered wife syndrome. "Yes, it sucked last time, but maybe this one will be funny." NO. It has been bad for a long time, at least one decade, probably two.
You had to be high to find it funny

Formula was stupid but unexpected
 

Goldhedge

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Goldhedge

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Goldhedge

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Silver

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Bottom Feeder

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Goldhedge

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GOLDBRIX

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Vernon works hard at the Phone Company but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.
His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Vern! How ya doing?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before "Oh no," says Vern. "He's in my bowling league".
When they are seated, a waitress asks Vern if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club, I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Vern, starts to rub herself all over him and says...
"Hi Vern. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Vern's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Vern follows and spots her getting into a cab.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her, Vern tries desperately to explain how the stripper
must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.
The cabby turns around and says, 'Geez Vern, you picked up a real bitch this time.'

VERN0N'S FUNERAL WILL BE FRIDAY AT 2:pM
 

Ensoniq

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Cardi B a Ho
Thats all she can B
B cuz she a Ho
She Blo me fo free
Ho de do (hold the door)
Ho de do
We do be do blow (yes She suck cock)
We do sho be ho (yes I’m a whore)
An you know I be ho (and you know I’m a whore)



Maybe she’s “Judoon”
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Goldhedge

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