BarnacleBob
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![[Most Recent Quotes from www.kitco.com]](http://www.kitconet.com/images/sp_en_6.gif)
JOKE OF THE DAY!?!
- Thread starter SilverNuts&Bolts
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Hopefully he was being facetious, but a poor venue if that.
Just a consideration, not an excuse, just hard to believe he's possibly that dense, and representing a population of people.
Oh no. He was dead serious.
I’m amazed at how the admiral kept his composure in the face of something so unintelligent.
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The admiral is the admiral for a reason, but just as incredulous as to the ecological density that thought process Hank took. Unless he was imagining geological plates earthquaking, but again, venue...
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my own "fact-check" - Napoleon did NOT die in a battle, but of illness under Brit custody on an island...
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Last edited:
I think we can all agree that Hank has access to the very best weed
A man named Coby from 545 Lawn Care in Southeast Michigan turned a 1985 GMC van into a hilariously customized version of itself where the vehicle appears to be driven both upside down and backwards. This incredible vehicle is completely road legal and is used for parades, car shows, and other places where its marvel can truly be appreciated.
BarnacleBob
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Hair sample analysis showed he was poisoned with arsenic.
BarnacleBob
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BarnacleBob
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“Briefly stated, the Gell-Mann Amnesia effect is as follows. You open the newspaper to an article on some subject you know well. In Murray's case, physics. In mine, show business. You read the article and see the journalist has absolutely no understanding of either the facts or the issues. Often, the article is so wrong it actually presents the story backward—reversing cause and effect. I call these the "wet streets cause rain" stories. Paper's full of them.
In any case, you read with exasperation or amusement the multiple errors in a story, and then turn the page to national or international affairs, and read as if the rest of the newspaper was somehow more accurate about Palestine than the baloney you just read. You turn the page, and forget what you know.”
― Michael Crichton
Damn that is well said.
In any case, you read with exasperation or amusement the multiple errors in a story, and then turn the page to national or international affairs, and read as if the rest of the newspaper was somehow more accurate about Palestine than the baloney you just read. You turn the page, and forget what you know.”
― Michael Crichton
Damn that is well said.
BarnacleBob
Moderator, Equal opportunity annoyer!
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BarnacleBob
Moderator, Equal opportunity annoyer!
Founding Member
Site Mgr
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GIM Hall Of Fame
BarnacleBob
Moderator, Equal opportunity annoyer!
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Classic palindrome (reads the same backwards)
Able was I ere I saw Elba...
- Napoleon
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BarnacleBob
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BarnacleBob
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BarnacleBob
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A radio station was running a competition for words that were not in the dictionary but could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. It went like this:
DJ: FM-KOLA here, what's your name?
Caller: Hi, I'm Bottom Feeder, call me BF.
DJ: Hi, BF, what's your word?
BF: Goan, spelt; GOAN, pronounced; go-an
DJ: ... You're correct, BF, it's not in the dictionary. Now for the five day paid vacation to The Virgin Islands, use that word in a sentence.
BF: "Goan fuck yourself"
The DJ hangs up. He takes a few more calls with no winning result until;
DJ: FM-KOLA here, what's your name?
Caller: Hi, my name's Bob
DJ: Hi Bob, what's your word?
Bob: Smee, spelled; SMEE, pronounced; smee
DJ:... You are correct Bob, that word is not in the dictionary. Now for the five day paid vacation to The Virgin Islands, use that word in a sentence.
Bob: "Smee again! Goan fuck yourself"
<heh>
DJ: FM-KOLA here, what's your name?
Caller: Hi, I'm Bottom Feeder, call me BF.
DJ: Hi, BF, what's your word?
BF: Goan, spelt; GOAN, pronounced; go-an
DJ: ... You're correct, BF, it's not in the dictionary. Now for the five day paid vacation to The Virgin Islands, use that word in a sentence.
BF: "Goan fuck yourself"
The DJ hangs up. He takes a few more calls with no winning result until;
DJ: FM-KOLA here, what's your name?
Caller: Hi, my name's Bob
DJ: Hi Bob, what's your word?
Bob: Smee, spelled; SMEE, pronounced; smee
DJ:... You are correct Bob, that word is not in the dictionary. Now for the five day paid vacation to The Virgin Islands, use that word in a sentence.
Bob: "Smee again! Goan fuck yourself"
<heh>
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What do you call a midget Mexican?
A Paragraph
why you ask?
Because he in't a full EssA
I know, not politicly correct, correct? Well this ain't political so go suck bull yogurt.
A Paragraph
why you ask?
Because he in't a full EssA
I know, not politicly correct, correct? Well this ain't political so go suck bull yogurt.
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Stole it. I'll share with one of my Hispanic friends.
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Words of advice It doesn't matter how nice the hand soap smells... you should never walk out of a restroom sniffing your fingers. NEVER! If you ever get caught sleeping on the job, slowly raise your head, compose yourself, and quietly say "Amen." If you live in a camper, your kids will never move in with you... they won't know where to find you. Blow on the wine in your mug... everyone else in the meeting will think it's hot tea.
Two sperm were swimming and swimming at full speed trying to win the race
One gets tired and turns to the other
Hey, how much further we got to go?
Quite a ways said the other we just passed the esophagus
One gets tired and turns to the other
Hey, how much further we got to go?
Quite a ways said the other we just passed the esophagus
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I heard it as "The first sperm turns around and yells at the others = TURN BACK, IT'S CRAP"...
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don't know if anyone has done this, yet? Like having pun with words? so I'd like and am going to do 'pandemic.'
pan: something to cook in, or bring perspective to a misguided spouse.
demic:
demic in British English
(ˈdɛmɪk) adjective. characteristic of or pertaining to a people or population.
So! cook the people or just bash them with the cooking utensil.
pan: something to cook in, or bring perspective to a misguided spouse.
demic:
demic in British English
(ˈdɛmɪk) adjective. characteristic of or pertaining to a people or population.
So! cook the people or just bash them with the cooking utensil.
cameo
Silver Miner
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"Pandemonium"
Pan = everywhere
demon = Satanic being
ium = metalic
Satanic terminator robots everywhere.
Yeah, I guess that word IS descriptive.
Pan = everywhere
demon = Satanic being
ium = metalic
Satanic terminator robots everywhere.
Yeah, I guess that word IS descriptive.
Q. What do you get when a clam farts?
A. Shell gas
A. Shell gas
My High School graduating class has a communication e-mail hub. We get some really wild info thataway. This one is HILARIOUS!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A DC 'airport ticket agent' offers some examples of why the US is in so much trouble! I love this as the ticket agent actually names names.
1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)
2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Cape Town . I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts '
'Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Cape Town is in South Africa .'' His response -- click..
3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders!) called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando . He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
He replied, 'Don't lie to me!, I looked on the map, and Florida is a very THIN state!!'' (OMG)
4. I got a call from Harry Reid's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada ?''
I said, ''No .''She said, ''But they look so close on the map'' (OMG, again!)
5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas .. I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas ... When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)
6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m, and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.
I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.
7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler!) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?'
He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!''
After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage..
8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?''
9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright from Ala. who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''
I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''
10. Senator Dianne Feinstein! called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''
I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola and fly on a commuter plane
She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''
11. Mary Landrieu, La. Senator, called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those''
I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''
12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .''
I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''
'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.
After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."
''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map !''So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you?''
The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.
Now you know why the Government is in the shape it's in!
Could ANYONE be this DUMB?
YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A DC 'airport ticket agent' offers some examples of why the US is in so much trouble! I love this as the ticket agent actually names names.
1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)
2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Cape Town . I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts '
'Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Cape Town is in South Africa .'' His response -- click..
3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders!) called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando . He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
He replied, 'Don't lie to me!, I looked on the map, and Florida is a very THIN state!!'' (OMG)
4. I got a call from Harry Reid's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada ?''
I said, ''No .''She said, ''But they look so close on the map'' (OMG, again!)
5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas .. I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas ... When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)
6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m, and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.
I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.
7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler!) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?'
He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!''
After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage..
8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?''
9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright from Ala. who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''
I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''
10. Senator Dianne Feinstein! called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''
I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola and fly on a commuter plane
She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''
11. Mary Landrieu, La. Senator, called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those''
I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''
12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .''
I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''
'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.
After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."
''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map !''So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you?''
The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.
Now you know why the Government is in the shape it's in!
Could ANYONE be this DUMB?
YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED.
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Hambone?