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JOKE OF THE DAY!?!

mtnman

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JayDubya

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In church Sunday morning the preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

With that, JB got in line, and when it was his turn, the preacher asked, "JB, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

JB replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The preacher put one of his fingers in JB's ear, then he took his other hand and placed it on top of JB's head; and then he prayed and prayed and eventually the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "JB, how is your hearing now?"

JB answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til Thursday."
 

Treasure Searcher

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Younger people sure do have a differently programmed brain. Yesterday, I went into a male bathroom and did my business at the urinal.
I could hear someone in one of the toilet stalls. I went and washed my hands. A young woman, around 20, came out of a toilet stall. I told her that this was the male bathroom and the she should use the girls bathroom next door in the hall. She said the bathroom in the room she worked in was being used, so she used this one (male). Then she got snotty and said "sooorrrrryy" sarcastically.

All I was trying to do, was tell the young woman that it was inappropriate to use the men's room. She was acting like I was being a jerk. I was just trying to act like a gentleman. If I went and used the woman's bathroom, I would have been arrested and charged with disorderly conduct. Young people need to learn what bathroom to use!
 

Goldhedge

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I was just trying to act like a gentleman.
That's not important.

If you've been watching them dismantle our social construct for the last 20 years, you know.

Don't you know, we're all one big happy family in the world, with butterflies and puppies and slow walks on the beach.

Bad things only happen to other people.
 

Treasure Searcher

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That's not important.

If you've been watching them dismantle our social construct for the last 20 years, you know.

Don't you know, we're all one big happy family in the world, with butterflies and puppies and slow walks on the beach.

Bad things only happen to other people.

I was just trying to teach her, that using the men's bathroom is wrong. If she did this at a bar, campground, etc., she could run into real trouble. Maybe she will realize what she did was wrong and could be dangerous.
 

mtnman

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Goldhedge

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What You Think a Baby Will Be Like vs The REALITY!​

 

mtnman

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gringott

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gringott

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gringott

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The day after the election I was arguing with my grandmother, after I found out she had voted for Biden/Harris.

I got so mad at her after a while, I left the cemetery and got a stiff drink.
 

MrLucky

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Younger people sure do have a differently programmed brain. Yesterday, I went into a male bathroom and did my business at the urinal.
I could hear someone in one of the toilet stalls. I went and washed my hands. A young woman, around 20, came out of a toilet stall. I told her that this was the male bathroom and the she should use the girls bathroom next door in the hall. She said the bathroom in the room she worked in was being used, so she used this one (male). Then she got snotty and said "sooorrrrryy" sarcastically.

All I was trying to do, was tell the young woman that it was inappropriate to use the men's room. She was acting like I was being a jerk. I was just trying to act like a gentleman. If I went and used the woman's bathroom, I would have been arrested and charged with disorderly conduct. Young people need to learn what bathroom to use!
Was her name Michelle?
 

arminius

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gringott

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gringott

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Treasure Searcher

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Was her name Michelle?
Probably not. She was a 20 or so year old, nice looking chick. I kind of think she hiding in that male bathroom and using her texting device. I will
probably come across her again, as she works a block from where I work.
 

brosil

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Probably not. She was a 20 or so year old, nice looking chick. I kind of think she hiding in that male bathroom and using her texting device. I will
probably come across her again, as she works a block from where I work.
Ask her if she's transitioning.
 

JayDubya

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A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?’

The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.’

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?’

'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.’

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?’

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?’

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.
 

JayDubya

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The devil is in the details….

During a church service, the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie stood and walked to the podium. She said, “Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was crushed.”

There was a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation.

“Phil was unable to hold me or the children,” she went on, “and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and they were able to reconstruct the crushed remnants of Phil’s scrotum, using wire to reinforce and shape it.”

The men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably.

“Now,” she announced in a quivering voice, “thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.” All the men sighed with relief.

The pastor rose and asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, “I’m Phil.”

The entire congregation held its breath.

“I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum.”
 

mtnman

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WillA2

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gringott

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gringott

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gringott

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gringott

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