OK...... So im running my traps the other day in town. Phone rings....... can you get a snake out of a drawer? Yup, be there in 15 mins.
Knock on the door, and this smokin hot lady answers. I said where is the snake? In the bedroom. She points to the dresser, and I ask what drawer? Second one on the left. So I say lets get the little dirty booger out of there. She says, "wait, your not gonna say anything to anyone are ya?" Im like oh hell, and in a serious tone said no ma'am.
In my head Im thinking what Im about to see, but not 100% sure. So I open the drawer. Stuffed top to bottom, front to back is the biggest collection of adult toys I have ever seen. So I did what any red blooded American man would do. I started laughing, and then I started laughing so hard I about pee'd my pants. Right smack dab in the middle of black and pinks dildos was a bull snake wadded up. Of course Im still laughing. And have to take full advantage of the situation I said........ you have to be embarrassed? She said why yes, if I wasnt afraid of the GD thing dont ya think I would get the F-ing thing out myself? By now, tears are rolling down my face. I said, could ya point out which one is the snake?....... and she just rolls her eyes at me. So with cat like reflexes I swoop in with my left hand and pin the poor snake to the bottom. And of course as I start lifting it, its pinned down by various items. So after grabbing the 12 inch black dong, and holding it in my right hand, the snake coils around my left. So there I am, in a smokin hot milfs bedroom, snake around my arm, and holding a 12 inch black dildo.
At this point all I can think about is a "selfie". But not enough hands. And thinkin of askin her if she would take a picture with my phone, but how unproffessional would that be. As I reached down to return the dildo to its nesting spot. I see a item I do not know what it is, horseshoe lookin thing. I wasnt quite done with my question and answer part, so I asked........... what the hell is that thing? Use it for shoein horses?
It was time to go, so i took the snake out to the truck. She asked what do we do now? And I responded this is the part that you pay me. So she is writing the check. And I told her,........ you realize if I see you in town I can never look you in the eyes right? See said " Goodbye Mr. Latham"
I get in the truck thinking to myself. If that was me, I would have set fire to the house, or grabbed a ball bat and beat the F-N dresser to a bazillion pieces before I called someone to do that. I doubt there is a person in Grand Junction I have not told. Just when you think you have seen and heard it all.........boom..... this happens. Was the highlight of my day, I dont think I have ever laughed so hard.
It's 2021, I'm 66 and worn out, and I still have so many questions!!!! I haven’t found out who let the dogs out...where’s the beef...how to get to Sesame Street... why Dora doesn’t just use Google Maps...Why do all flavors of fruit loops taste exactly the same, or how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop......why eggs are packaged in a flimsy carton, but batteries are secured in plastic that’s tough as nails...what does the fox say... why “abbreviated” is such a long word; or why is there a D in ‘fridge’ but not in refrigerator... why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor yet dish-washing liquid is made with real lemons... why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections... and, why do you have to “put your two cents in” but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts” where’s that extra penny going to... why does The Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune... why did you just try to sing those two previous songs... and just what exactly is Victoria’s secret? and where is Waldo?... Can you hear me now?...and do you really think I am this witty?? ... I actually got this from a friend, who stole it from her brother’s girlfriend’s, uncle’s cousin who lived next door to an old class mate’s mailman...Now it is your turn to take it from me... Copy and Paste, change the age, and enjoy your day.
I needed the laugh.