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JOKE OF THE DAY!?!

MrLucky

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I used to work in a bar/restaurant and one regulars wife called. When the bartender told her he wasn't there, she said "Well you tell him...."
I knew this guy at a bar named "Bob". Everyone there knew him as Bob, but his real name was Jim. I asked him one day that since his real name is Jim, why did everyone there call him Bob? Well he said, my wife knows I hang out here, so she calls and asks if Jim is there. Bartender says "there's no one named Jim here". That's when I know it's time to leave.
 

JayDubya

pies klasy robotniczej
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mtnman

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mtnman

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The Final Exam
At Yale University, there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far.
These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Old Eli until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final.
The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day.
The guys were excited and relieved.
They studied that night for the exam.
The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet.
They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought!
Each one in separate rooms, thought this was going to be easy ... then they turned the page.
On the second page was written...
For 95 points: Which tire? _________
 

mtnman

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BigJim#1-8

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mtnman

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Krag

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I recently started seeing a therapist. She began our first session by setting half a glass of water in front of me. She then asked if I was an optimist or a pessimist. I picked up the glass, drank the water, and told her I was a problem solver.

My wife didn't order anything from Amazon yesterday. So today the driver stopped by and knocked on our door just to see if we were OK.

A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually really mad.
 

Someone_else

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Click on all images with:
Apple pie
Earl Grey tea
Roofing nails
Cassowary feather
Vinyl siding
Ale yeast
Low dropout voltage regulator
 

Uncle

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Last edited:

Uncle

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the_shootist

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mtnman

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mtnman

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gringott

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chieftain

Trump got them plump
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^ Why buy milk when you can have two cows...

Moo
 

Scorpio

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This gals idea of adding oil to a engine is to pop the hood,
grab a 5 qt bottle of oil, and starting dumping it all over the top of the engine.............

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chieftain

Trump got them plump
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I once stopped a similar looking female two leggah about to fill her engine with water through the oil fill port.
 

mtnman

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Son of Gloin

Certainty of death? What are we waiting for?
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mtnman

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Goldhedge

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Original C15 jet w people was a deep fake video - 2 videos combined.
 

Goldbrix

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mtnman

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mtnman

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"Woman stops 12 ft gator with .22 pistol!"
"Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a small .22 caliber Ruger Pistol."
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.
Here's her story in her own words:
"While walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in the Villages discussing a property settlement with my soon-to-be ex-husband, and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water. It began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Ruger 22 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took.The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace."
"The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible and his life insurance was also a big bonus!"