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the_shootist

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gringott

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Any truth to this story, Mr. Bear???


m000000oooo0000!
 

kiffertom

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whats the difference between the pink panther and a male prostitute? they both are peter sellers!
 

kiffertom

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a doctor tells his patient"i have some bad news for you! you have cancer! you have Alzheimers!" the patient replies," at least i dont have cancer!"
 

the_shootist

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the_shootist

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the_shootist

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gringott

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I got a residential package for one year, requirement I use their all in one router, modem, wireless. Okay. Installed.
Other than a few speed tests, I haven't moved anything to the new network/connection. Zero wireless connections.
But they tested me out remotely and I am doing good. WTF?

Bombers are scanning me......
 

mtnman

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View attachment 232138

I got a residential package for one year, requirement I use their all in one router, modem, wireless. Okay. Installed.
Other than a few speed tests, I haven't moved anything to the new network/connection. Zero wireless connections.
But they tested me out remotely and I am doing good. WTF?

Bombers are scanning me......
Maybe your neighbors have figured out the pass word...
 

JayDubya

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John worked hard for his living and his wife decided that he deserved a treat for his birthday, so she blindfolded him and took him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greeted them and said, "Hey, John! How ya doin?" Once inside, his wife removed the blindfold but she was puzzled and asked if he'd been to this club before. "Oh no," said John. "He's one of the security guys I meet on my business trips." When they were seated, a waitress asked John if he'd like his usual and brought over a Budweiser. His wife was becoming increasingly uncomfortable and said, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "I recognize her, she's the waitress at the bar around the corner from work. I always drop in and have a Bud on Fridays, honey.” A stripper then came over to their table, threw her arms around John, started to rub herself all over him and said, "Hi Johnny. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" John's wife, now furious, grabbed her purse and stormed out of the club. John followed and spotted her getting into a cab. Before she could slam the door, he jumped in beside her ....John tried desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife was having none of it. She was screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word in the book. The cabby turned around and said, "Geez John, you picked up a real piece of work this time."
 

Goldhedge

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gringott

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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The future is so twisted I have to wear shades.
 

Goldhedge

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Open your eyes
 

gringott

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My eyes are burning.....
 

Goldhedge

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BigJim#1-8

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Goldhedge

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gringott

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gringott

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gringott

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the_shootist

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the_shootist

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the_shootist

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JayDubya

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When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate. He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
 

TAEZZAR

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A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the doctor was looking through these his eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills.
"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?"
"Yes, they help me sleep at night."
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that could possibly help you sleep!"
She reached out and patted the young doctor's knee and said, "Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16-year-old Granddaughter drinks. And believe me it definitely helps me sleep at night."
You gotta love Grandmas!
 

TAEZZAR

LADY JUSTICE ISNT BLIND, SHES JUST AFRAID TO WATCH
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A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby. The baby wouldn't take it so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us."
Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here." A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, "Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"