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JOKE OF THE DAY!?!

mtnman

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gringott

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Merkin

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a doctor tells his patient"i have some bad news for you! you have cancer! you have Alzheimer,!" the patient replies," at least i dont have cancer!"
This is too true to be funny. Damn nasty disease., Alzheimer. I truly believe it's a cash cow for big pharma and why we don't have a cure.
 

kiffertom

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This is too true to be funny. Damn nasty disease., Alzheimer. I truly believe it's a cash cow for big pharma and why we don't have a cure.
i am sorry if i offended you! my grandmother died having it. it was a horrible experience. i am getting older! in my mid 60's! EVERY FUCKING DAY i contemplate my demise as im sure many of us on here do! we are all gonna die one way or another. might as well make a joke about it!
 

kiffertom

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and heres another!
whats the difference between a band of pygmies and a woman's track team?
one is a bunch of cunning runts!
 

Merkin

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i am sorry if i offended you! my grandmother died having it. it was a horrible experience. i am getting older! in my mid 60's! EVERY FUCKING DAY i contemplate my demise as im sure many of us on here do! we are all gonna die one way or another. might as well make a joke about it!
Not offended. Wife has it and I'm caring for her, I cry with her every day (not literally but we are truly saddened by it).
 

Goldhedge

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mtnman

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kiffertom

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Not offended. Wife has it and I'm caring for her, I cry with her every day (not literally but we are truly saddened by it).
God bless you!
 

mtnman

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FoundingFathers

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Carrion Crow

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The regular wine taster at a high-end winery where he worked for 25 years, died suddenly and the owner was desperate to hire someone just as qualified to step in and fill the position.


A drunkard looking pretty ragged, wearing wrinkled, dirty clothes, needing a shave and a haircut wondered in off the street to apply for the vacant position. The owner of the winery tried to get rid of him immediately but the man insisted nobody knew wine better than he…

The owner decided to play along and had his secretary get the man a glass of wine to taste, hoping to stump him and get rid of him quickly…
The drunk swirled the glass, inhaled the aroma, then took a sip and said, “It's a Muscat, three-years-old, grown on a north slope, and matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.”

"That's… that's correct."
, the owner said, astonished. "Okay, my secretary will get you another glass…"
After swirling and inhaling the aroma of the second glass, the drunk took a sip… “This is a Cabernet, eight years old, grown on a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for the finest results.”

The owner was truly amazed. "Correct again!" He motioned to his secretary to get a third glass…
After swirling and inhaling the aroma of the third glass, the drunk took a sip and announced in a very dignified tone, "It's a Pinot Blanc Champagne, high grade and exclusive''.

The owner was completely blown away, but thinking this was some sort of hoax, he decided to put the man to the ultimate test. He winked at his young attractive secretary, secretly suggesting something. She left the room and came back with a glass full of urine

The drunk swirled it, inhaled the aroma, and without sipping it he looked directly at the owner and said, "It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, and if you don't hire me I'll name the father…"
 

mtnman

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mtnman

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mtnman

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kiffertom

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The regular wine taster at a high-end winery where he worked for 25 years, died suddenly and the owner was desperate to hire someone just as qualified to step in and fill the position.


A drunkard looking pretty ragged, wearing wrinkled, dirty clothes, needing a shave and a haircut wondered in off the street to apply for the vacant position. The owner of the winery tried to get rid of him immediately but the man insisted nobody knew wine better than he…

The owner decided to play along and had his secretary get the man a glass of wine to taste, hoping to stump him and get rid of him quickly…
The drunk swirled the glass, inhaled the aroma, then took a sip and said, “It's a Muscat, three-years-old, grown on a north slope, and matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.”

"That's… that's correct."
, the owner said, astonished. "Okay, my secretary will get you another glass…"
After swirling and inhaling the aroma of the second glass, the drunk took a sip… “This is a Cabernet, eight years old, grown on a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for the finest results.”

The owner was truly amazed. "Correct again!" He motioned to his secretary to get a third glass…
After swirling and inhaling the aroma of the third glass, the drunk took a sip and announced in a very dignified tone, "It's a Pinot Blanc Champagne, high grade and exclusive''.

The owner was completely blown away, but thinking this was some sort of hoax, he decided to put the man to the ultimate test. He winked at his young attractive secretary, secretly suggesting something. She left the room and came back with a glass full of urine

The drunk swirled it, inhaled the aroma, and without sipping it he looked directly at the owner and said, "It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, and if you don't hire me I'll name the father…"
this reminded me of one very similar. a man who owned a lumber company needed to hire someone new who had experience in the industry. a blind man applied and the owner set up the interview. when the blind man came the owner who couldnt believe he knew anything about wood went ahead and started the interview. he handed the blind man a 2x4 and ask him what it was. the man said its a 2x4 made of white oak and has been kiln dried. the owner flipped out and handed him another board. the man said this is 1x6 cherry just cut and hasnt been kiln dried. the owner was flabbergasted and wanted to find a way to fool him. he went out to the yard, ripped a piece off wood off the men's bathroom door and had his nasty fat assed secretary slide it between her legs. he gave it to the man and waited for his response. the man sniffed and sniffed and with a puzzling reply said nearest i can tell this is a shithouse door off a tuna boat!
 

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Goldhedge

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DodgebyDave

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Male Test For Alzheimer's Disease
It takes less than 15 seconds.
If you are a male and over 50 years old you SHOULD take this Alzheimer's Test.
How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks?
1. _ _NDOM
2. F_ _K
3. P_N_S
4. PU_S_
5. S_X
6. BOO_S



Answers:
1. Random
2. Fork
3. Pants
4. Pulse
5. Six
6. Books
You got all 6 wrong......didn't you?
The good news is: You do not have Alzheimer's.
You are a pervert.
 

Goldhedge

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"I stated earlier that she was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and I wish to withdraw my statement." - Mark Twain
 

Ensoniq

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Goldhedge

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mtnman

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