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JOKE OF THE DAY!?!

Treasure Searcher

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I don’t mean to be a Grinch, however.... to those of you who are placing Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, would you please avoid anything that has Red or Blue flashing lights together!!

Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack.

I have to brake hard, toss my joint out the window, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat.

All while trying to drive.

It's just too much drama, even for Christmas.

Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.
Place I currently work at, is by a school. Police, fire trucks and such blow their sirens, when there is a sendoff for a sports team. I wonder how many people are flushing drugs down the toilet, when hearing the sirens? Local drug dealers, when being raided, break up their cell phones with hammers. I wonder how many cell phones are destroyed by paranoid drug dealers, because of a sports team sendoff?
 

hammerhead

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Place I currently work at, is by a school. Police, fire trucks and such blow their sirens, when there is a sendoff for a sports team. I wonder how many people are flushing drugs down the toilet, when hearing the sirens? Local drug dealers, when being raided, break up their cell phones with hammers. I wonder how many cell phones are destroyed by paranoid drug dealers, because of a sports team sendoff?
Back in the day cops walked the streets, 2 guys were walking on the sidewalk as 2 occifers were heading towards them. Messing around, the guys turn around and ran. Cops pursued them.
 

mtnman

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mtnman

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the_shootist

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the_shootist

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the_shootist

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Son of Gloin

Certainty of death? What are we waiting for?
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Haven’t we all been in an epic water balloon fight? At least once?
 

mtnman

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Goldhedge

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mtnman

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wastrel

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The residue of a jillion water balloons. Mebbe you are from New Mexico... not enuf water there for a decent fight. ;) :weed:
Ohhhhh! I see it now. I thought... okay, never mind what I thought. :surrender:
 

the_shootist

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Krag

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Old age comes at a bad time: When you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.

Last Spring a friend suggested putting manure on my strawberries. I'm never doing that again. I'm going back to whipped cream.

As I drove into the cemetery my GPS announced, "You have reached your final destination." Ouch! A wise man once told his wife... NOTHING. He was, after all, a wise man.
 

Krag

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An 82-year-old woman was living by herself in one of the New York boroughs. One night, she heard someone start hammering on the front door.

Her bedroom was at the top of the stairs; she looked down and saw a man kick open her door. What do you do? You're 82 years old; this man's about to steal everything you have. She just started crying out, "Acts 2:38, Acts 2:38, Acts 2:38." The man froze then got down on the floor, spread his arms and stayed there until she called the police, and the police came and arrested him.

Now get this, the verse just says to repent and believe in Jesus. This guy was laying on the ground because the 82-year-old woman kept saying, "Acts 2:38, Acts 2:38." The cops started laughing, and they asked the guy, "This is an 82-year-old woman. Why did you wait for us to come?"

He told them, "Listen, if you knew a lady had an ax and two 38s, you would have waited too."
 

the_shootist

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the_shootist

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