JOKE OF THE DAY!?!
- Thread starter SilverNuts&Bolts
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Advice from An Old Hillbilly:
Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks, bankers, and politicians at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Forgive your enemies; its what GOD says to do.
If you don't take the time to do it right, you'll find the time to do it twice.
Don't corner something that is meaner than you.
Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.
It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
Don't be banging your shin on a stool that's not in the way.
Borrowing trouble from the future doesn't deplete the supply.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.
Don’t judge folks by their relatives.
Silence is sometimes the best answer.
Don‘t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t botherin' you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you’ll ever have to deal with watches you from the mirror every mornin’.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.
If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.
Live a good, honorable life.
Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
Most times, it just gets down to common sense
CURTIS RUTLEDGE
Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks, bankers, and politicians at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Forgive your enemies; its what GOD says to do.
If you don't take the time to do it right, you'll find the time to do it twice.
Don't corner something that is meaner than you.
Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.
It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
Don't be banging your shin on a stool that's not in the way.
Borrowing trouble from the future doesn't deplete the supply.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.
Don’t judge folks by their relatives.
Silence is sometimes the best answer.
Don‘t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t botherin' you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you’ll ever have to deal with watches you from the mirror every mornin’.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.
If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.
Live a good, honorable life.
Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
Most times, it just gets down to common sense
CURTIS RUTLEDGE
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IS SEX WORK??
A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?" A Major chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.
A Captain said it was 50-50%. A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure , depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."
The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why.
"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."
The room fell silent.
God Bless the enlisted man.
A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?" A Major chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.
A Captain said it was 50-50%. A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure , depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."
The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why.
"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."
The room fell silent.
God Bless the enlisted man.
Two 90-year-old guys, Leo and Frank, had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Leo was dying, Frank visited him every day.
One day Frank said, "Leo, we both loved playing baseball all our lives, and we played all through high school. Please do me one favor: when you get to heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's baseball there."
Leo looked up at Frank from his deathbed and said, "Frank you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you."
Shortly after that, Leo passed away. A few nights later, Frank was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Frank ... Frank …"
"Who is it?" asked Frank sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
“Leo. it's me, Leo."
"You're not Leo. Leo just died."
"I'm telling you it's me, Leo," insisted the voice.
"Leo! Where are you?"
"In Heaven," replied Leo. "I have some really good news and a little bad news.”
"Tell me the good news first," said Frank.
"The good news," Leo said, "is that there's baseball in heaven. Better yet, all our old buddies who died before us are here too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play baseball all we want, and we never get tired."
"That's fantastic," said Frank. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So, what's the bad news?"
"You're pitching Tuesday."
One day Frank said, "Leo, we both loved playing baseball all our lives, and we played all through high school. Please do me one favor: when you get to heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's baseball there."
Leo looked up at Frank from his deathbed and said, "Frank you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you."
Shortly after that, Leo passed away. A few nights later, Frank was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Frank ... Frank …"
"Who is it?" asked Frank sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
“Leo. it's me, Leo."
"You're not Leo. Leo just died."
"I'm telling you it's me, Leo," insisted the voice.
"Leo! Where are you?"
"In Heaven," replied Leo. "I have some really good news and a little bad news.”
"Tell me the good news first," said Frank.
"The good news," Leo said, "is that there's baseball in heaven. Better yet, all our old buddies who died before us are here too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play baseball all we want, and we never get tired."
"That's fantastic," said Frank. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So, what's the bad news?"
"You're pitching Tuesday."
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01110010 - 01110101 - 01110010
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Enjoy your evening.
Romeo and Juliet in Binary
books.google.com
Enjoy your evening.
Romeo and Juliet in Binary
books.google.com
Siri, I’m bored and just curious
What’s the record for the most boring thing ever
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I'd guess listening to an Oblabla speech.
I once made a "computer" using only diodes. It could do arithmetic problems up to four.
You wouldn't believe how many discrete glass diodes that took!!
Back in the late part of the last century, a door to door salesman sold my mother a computer that was nothing but 1's and 0's with the only guidance being a book. I tried to comprehend what it was trying to teach but was clueless as to what I would gain from it.I once made a "computer" using only diodes. It could do arithmetic problems up to four.
You wouldn't believe how many discrete glass diodes that took!!
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Me 3.
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Easier then shuffling and stacking rocks. Pure genius.
Yeah, I still got a couple of those. I ran across one the other day, sat down and tried to remember how to use it.
Damn!! you forget a lot in 60 years!
<heh>
BF
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I got a FCC 3RD Class license with broadcast endorsement when I was 16 yoa. Used a slide to calculate transmitter signal strength & power output for the test.... We had to know how to calculate by hand in the event of meter failure, etc... passed the test first try, then started working in radio stations....
I never used a slide rule...
When you figure a simple IC chip is a passel of diodes that's quite an undertaking....I once made a "computer" using only diodes. It could do arithmetic problems up to four.
You wouldn't believe how many discrete glass diodes that took!!
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Freshman yr of college I took a hand me down slip stick from my dad (IBM Engr) but bought a four fnc TI SR-50 (for $100!) shortly after arriving on campus. Never did need to use the stick!
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The slide rule? Make SURE the person that went before you is off before you slide down, that was the slide rule.
I still have my slipstick. I loved the thing. I also (somewhere) still have my "Prayer Wheel".
Flight computer.
Except mine did not have the cheaty stuff on the back behind the wheel. It is the antique version CR-3
Looks like this:
Try workin' THAT sumbitch. Oughta be able to learn it in inna hour.
Useta be a lot more "pilot complex" to fly forty years ago. Teletype NOTAMS in semi-code shorthand, Land lines!! for communication, GPS not even thought of, etc. etc.
Except mine did not have the cheaty stuff on the back behind the wheel. It is the antique version CR-3
Looks like this:
Try workin' THAT sumbitch. Oughta be able to learn it in inna hour.
Useta be a lot more "pilot complex" to fly forty years ago. Teletype NOTAMS in semi-code shorthand, Land lines!! for communication, GPS not even thought of, etc. etc.
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I still do...
And I have seen one of those in actual use in a business.