JOKE OF THE DAY!?!

[mtnman]

 

[Goldhedge]

 

[mtnman]

 

[BarnacleBob]

 

[BarnacleBob]

 

[BarnacleBob]

 

[foolsgold]

 

[hammerhead]

https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1536792520042102786

 

[Bottom Feeder]

 

[Krag]

Relationships are a lot like algebra: Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity they have trained people to stand at the edge of their pool and throw them fish.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a few payments.

I always wondered what the job application for Hooters is like. Do they just hand you a bra and say, "Here. Fill this out"?

Hey, you're not fat, you're just easier to see.

 

[Krag]

A man knocked on my door today, and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

If I had a dollar for every woman who found me unattractive... eventually, they would all find me attractive.

A woman wearing a bikini reveals 90% of her body. But men are so polite they look at only the covered parts.

A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Money talks, but all mine says is "Good-bye!"

 

[Krag]

Sorting out their relationship:

An elderly couple had been courting for a long time and finally decided to get married. Before they wed, they went out to dinner to discuss how their marriage might work. They talked finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the man raised the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked tentatively. "I would like it infrequently," replied the old lady. The old gentleman sat for a moment, then leaned toward her.

The old gentleman sat for a moment, then leaned toward her and asked: "Is that one word... or two?"

 

[UcoOnca]

 

[BarnacleBob]

 

[the_shootist]

 

[the_shootist]

 

[the_shootist]

 

[Someone_else]

That steel wire gotta hurt, too.

 

[mtnman]

 

[mtnman]

 

[BarnacleBob]

 

[BarnacleBob]

 

[BarnacleBob]

 

[WillA2]

I told the clerk to give me $5 on pump #1. He laughed and said, "Where do you think you're going on $5 worth of gas?" I said, "Pump #2."

Stolen.

 

[the_shootist]

 

[Uglytruth]

I don't think this is a joke..........


Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Kentucky, and the third is from New Orleans. 

 All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The New Orleans contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.
“Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $9,000. That’s $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.

”
The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $7,000. That’s $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$27,000.”

The official, incredulous, says: “You didn’t even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?”

The Chicago contractor whispers back: “$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence”
“Done!” replies the government official

,

And that, my friends, is how the $3.5 trillion Build Back Better legislation will work.

 

[chieftain]

Family sparks fury after hiding VERY rude message on dad's gravestone

Steven Owens, from Iowa, passed away in September at the age of 59 - and his family chose to honor by putting his favorite 'term of endearment' - 'F**k off' - on his grave.

www.dailymail.co.uk

 

[WillA2]

View attachment 264128

Family sparks fury after hiding VERY rude message on dad's gravestone

Steven Owens, from Iowa, passed away in September at the age of 59 - and his family chose to honor by putting his favorite 'term of endearment' - 'F**k off' - on his grave.

www.dailymail.co.uk

Well, I'm a bit slow this morning. I read the link before I got clued in. Seems about right.

 

[BarnacleBob]

 

[the_shootist]

 

[the_shootist]

 

[BarnacleBob]

 

[BarnacleBob]

 

[BarnacleBob]

 

[Bottom Feeder]

 

[BarnacleBob]

 

[BarnacleBob]

 

[TAEZZAR]

The origin of the word FUGGLY !!!

 

[the_shootist]

The origin of the word FUGGLY !!!

View attachment 264305

That picture is detrimental to all goldfish

 

[mtnman]