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JOKE OF THE DAY!?!

mtnman

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Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.
They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her one word: comfortable."
The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bull."
 

mtnman

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Krag

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Goldberg, dies and his family is planning the funeral.

The local rabbi, they discover, is on a trip to Israel . After many telephone
calls, they manage to reach a rabbi from the next town; he agrees to officiate
at the funeral the next day.


After chanting the “Kaddish” and “El Molay Rachamim”
the rabbi begins his eulogy.



“We are here to mourn the passing of our friend, Mr.Goldberg, a respected citizen
and honored member of the community,” Suddenly, an old man jumps up and says,
“What are you talking about, Rabbi? This man was a gonnif, a momzer, and would cheat his own
grandmother for fifty cents!

“The rabbi decides to take another approach, “We are here to mourn the passing of our friend Mr. Goldberg,
a patron of the synagogue and dedicated Talmudic scholar.”

Again the old man jumps up and says, “Are you meshuggeh, Rabbi? This man hasn’t been in a shul since
his bar mitzvah!”

Again, the rabbi begins his eulogy, “We are here to mourn the passing of our friend, Mr. Goldberg, a
loving husband and dedicated father.” Once again the old man jumps up and says, “Rabbi, you obviously
didn’t know Goldberg. He cheated on his wife whenever he could and he never had time to spend with his
children!”

At this point, the rabbi is at a loss for words.
Finally, he says, “My friends, have we not as Jews suffered from the insults and prejudices of our
neighbors? Must we stoop to their level and speak ill of our own people? Surely, there is someone in this
congregation who knew Mr. Goldberg and can say something good and kind about his life.”

After an entire minute of silence, the old man stands up again and says, “His brother was worse!”
 

mtnman

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mtnman

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the_shootist

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Well, this helps explain a lot!

1655645900872.png


Fortunately I'm a heavy drinker and should be OK!!
 

engineear

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Art? can be stupid but because we're told it has a meaning we will worship it.

Oh Great Hair Pick, separate us equally, since we've earned so much, and may the Fist remind us, that, hitting your baby momma is an acquired trait.

And in the movie "Spaceballs" when asked what they've found while "combing" the desert with a large hair pick, the response was...and, it's appropo...."We ain't found shit!!"

Just like now...it's Breathtaking? If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then stupid is in the mind of many. Who sanctioned this dud? Who got the job and why and at what cost?

If a non black didn't make it than it's...RAYSIS!!!
 

the_shootist

Checked out! Good luck!
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Art? can be stupid but because we're told it has a meaning we will worship it.

Oh Great Hair Pick, separate us equally, since we've earned so much, and may the Fist remind us, that, hitting your baby momma is an acquired trait.

And in the movie "Spaceballs" when asked what they've found while "combing" the desert with a large hair pick, the response was...and, it's appropo...."We ain't found shit!!"

Just like now...it's Breathtaking? If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then stupid is in the mind of many. Who sanctioned this dud? Who got the job and why and at what cost?

If a non black didn't make it than it's...RAYSIS!!!
Fuck the dumb, brainwashed, urban Negroes! They hate us whities anyway so fuck their feelings and the statues they worship!

I for one am tired of paying for their lunch with my taxes every day! No more black programs...let them fend for themselves for a change!
 
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Uglytruth

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^^ Wrong thread!
 

Uglytruth

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Fuck the dumb, brainwashed, urban Negroes! They hate us whities anyway so fuck their feelings and the statues they worship!

I for one am tired of paying for their lunch with my taxes every day! No more black programs...let them fend for themselves for a change!
Where they will steal & end up in jail and guess who pays for that..................
 

gringott

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Got this from my nephew in Chicago area this morning. Got a Father's Day Present early. His sister called him and told him about it, he called his brother after he got his, and it was too late when he showed up. When I asked if it was true, he said:

"It is. I went with both the cars and a gas can. "Sister" got it first and let me know. By the time "brother" got there it was fixed and set back to 6.499 a gallon. Lol

1655650068827.jpeg
1655650086793.jpeg
 

mtnman

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Cat Scan.
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As
she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his
stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet
shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles,
has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed,
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied
the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she
protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or
something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned
around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later
with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on
in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his
front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from
top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and
shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the
head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he
returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also
delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat
back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and
strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the
woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most
definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and
produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she
cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it,
the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the
Cat Scan, it's now $150."
 

Tbonz

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Got this from my nephew in Chicago area this morning. Got a Father's Day Present early. His sister called him and told him about it, he called his brother after he got his, and it was too late when he showed up. When I asked if it was true, he said:

"It is. I went with both the cars and a gas can. "Sister" got it first and let me know. By the time "brother" got there it was fixed and set back to 6.499 a gallon. Lol

View attachment 264438View attachment 264439
Should have brought a 300 gallon tote with you.
 

Goldhedge

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mtnman

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Where they will steal & end up in jail and guess who pays for that..................
Only half will end up in jail. The other half won't be breathing...