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JOKE OF THE DAY!?!

Unca Walt

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My mom tried to get us to eat this once.

View attachment 266472
That is delicious. It is NOT served that way. Thinly bias-sliced. That pic is the equivalent of a raw kidney dumped on a plate. Or a chicken leg on a plate that still has the foot on it.

Here's Queen Alexandra's Sandwich -- Mayonnaise, lemon, Dijon mustard, butter.

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Beef tongue stir-fry -- rice wine, green onions, garlic, ginger, black pepper, salt, sesame oil

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mtnman

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mtnman

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Goldhedge

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Uglytruth

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mtnman

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mtnman

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viking

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There is an agency: Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms

Constitutionally, this should be what you should be able to find on the shelves in a 7-11.
“President George W. Bush signed into law the Homeland Security Act of 2002. In addition to the creation of the Department of Homeland Security, the law shifted ATF from the Department of the Treasury to the Department of Justice. The agency's name was changed to Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives.”

I want Explosives on those shelve too!
 

BarnacleBob

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“President George W. Bush signed into law the Homeland Security Act of 2002. In addition to the creation of the Department of Homeland Security, the law shifted ATF from the Department of the Treasury to the Department of Justice. The agency's name was changed to Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives.”

I want Explosives on those shelve too!

I remember growing up you could go to the hardware store or lumber yard and buy dynamite & blasting caps no questions asked, over the counter... On radio & television there were PSA's warning about leaving blasting caps laying around where kids could find them. Kids were blowing there fingers off playing with the blasting caps.... Just thank Dem LBJ Great Society for closing the racial gap by enacting the GCA of 1968!

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Son of Gloin

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I remember growing up you could go to the hardware store or lumber yard and buy dynamite & blasting caps no questions asked, over the counter... On radio & television there were PSA's warning about leaving blasting caps laying around where kids could find them. Kids were blowing there fingers off playing with the blasting caps.... Just thank Dem LBJ Great Society for closing the racial gap by enacting the GCA of 1968!

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I remember that.
 

mtnman

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mtnman

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mtnman

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Goldhedge

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mtnman

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mtnman

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mtnman

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newmisty

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BarnacleBob

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Mikkel Moller ·

An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with a Tempo Mach 2 appears.
The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now have a look here!"
He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, and then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks, "Well, how was that?"

The Airbus pilot answers: "Very impressive, but watch this!"

The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly straight, at the same speed. After 15 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, "Well, how was that?
Confused, the jet pilot asks, "What did you do?"

The AirBus pilot laughs and says, "I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry.

The moral of the story is: When you’re young, speed and adrenaline seems to be great. But as you get older and wiser, you learn that comfort and peace are more important.

This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older and Smarter.

Dedicated to all my friends who, like me, as seniors, we now realize that it’s time to slow down and enjoy the rest of the trip.

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JayDubya

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Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.” The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St. Peter let her through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and figuring heaven didn’t REALLY need all the odors this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?” But the trash man had just seen the movie, too, and he answered, “about 1,500.”“That’s right! You may enter,” said Peter. Then St. Peter turned to the lawyer and said, “Name them.”
 

JayDubya

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A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink.
He replied, "No thanks. I don't drink. I tried it once, but I didn't like it."
So the bartender said, "Well, would you like a cigarette?"
But the man said, "No thanks. I don't smoke. I tried it once, but I didn't like it."
The bartender asked him if he'd like to play a game of pool, and again the man said, "No thanks. I don't like pool. I tried it once, but I didn't like it. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be here at all, but I'm waiting for my son."
The bartender said, "Your only son, I'm guessing."