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JOKE OF THE DAY!?!

JayDubya

pies klasy robotniczej
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Goldhedge

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Hilarious Cowboy Poetry With Waddie Mitchell and Batxer Black | Carson Tonight Show​

 

mtnman

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TAEZZAR

LADY JUSTICE ISNT BLIND, SHES JUST AFRAID TO WATCH
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I found mine - she's in the kitchen & OK !!
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Uglytruth

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My favorite witch

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Goldhedge

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mtnman

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TAEZZAR

LADY JUSTICE ISNT BLIND, SHES JUST AFRAID TO WATCH
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I've got to remember this one!

A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:

• Officer: May I see your driver's license?

• Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

• Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

• Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.

• Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?

• Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?

• Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.

• Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?

• Biker: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:

• Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

• Biker: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

• Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?

• Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

• Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?

• Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.

• Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.

• Biker: No problem. The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.

• Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.

• Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.
 

mtnman

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JUST A TRUE HUMOUROUS STORY This is what all of you 70 - 80+ year-olds, and those yet-to-be have to look forward to!!
This is something that happened in an old peoples home. The people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central dining room.
One morning one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast so another guy's wife went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK. She could hear him through the door and he said that he was running late and would be down shortly so she went back to the dining area.
An hour later he still hadn't arrived so she went back up towards his room and she found him on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs but was having a hard time. He had a death grip on the handrail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right.
She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her no, he wasn't in any pain and just wanted to have his breakfast. So, she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast.
When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first step so they called an ambulance for him. A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing. The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer shorts.©
I am sending this to my children so that they don't sell the house before they know the facts!
 

engineear

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JUST A TRUE HUMOUROUS STORY This is what all of you 70 - 80+ year-olds, and those yet-to-be have to look forward to!!
This is something that happened in an old peoples home. The people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central dining room.
One morning one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast so another guy's wife went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK. She could hear him through the door and he said that he was running late and would be down shortly so she went back to the dining area.
An hour later he still hadn't arrived so she went back up towards his room and she found him on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs but was having a hard time. He had a death grip on the handrail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right.
She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her no, he wasn't in any pain and just wanted to have his breakfast. So, she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast.
When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first step so they called an ambulance for him. A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing. The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer shorts.©
I am sending this to my children so that they don't sell the house before they know the facts!
I do that all the time...now I know, and knowing is half the battle...G.I.Joe.
 

mtnman

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These tigers are like, "This vending machine isn't working!!"

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Someone_else

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"When it is inconvenient to eat a sandwich and drink beer separately..."
 

mtnman

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Funny thing is the natives there don’t pronounce the first “i”. It’s pronounced “Loooz - e - Ana “
Ebonics strikes again....
 

mtnman

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TAEZZAR

LADY JUSTICE ISNT BLIND, SHES JUST AFRAID TO WATCH
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OLIMPRICS & HOW IT GOT IT'S NAME

2500 years ago a slave call girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee (pronounced Get-offa'-me) was attending a great athletic festival in Greece. This festival had no name. In those days the athletes performed naked (believe it or not).

To prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on drink containing saltpeter before and throughout the variety of events.

At the opening ceremonial parade, Gedophamee observed the first wave of naked athletic males marching toward her and she exclaimed: "Oh! Limp pricks!"

Over the next two and a half millennia that expression morphed into "Olympics".

Just thought I'd share this new found knowledge with you.

You're very welcome.