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JOKE OF THE DAY!?!

JayDubya

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A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, "If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?"
The barkeeper says, "Depends on how good of a trick it is."
The drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a chipmunk and places him behind the piano. The chipmunk starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard. He pours the drunk his drink.
The drunk, after killing his drink says, "If I show you another trick can I have another free one?"
The barkeeper says, "If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night."
The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the chipmunk."
Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink 'em.
After several hours, a big time Hollywood agent walks in, sees the act and frantically asks the barkeeper who it belongs to. The barkeeper points to the drunk who is passed out on the floor.
The agent wakes him up and says, "I will give you 1 million dollars for that act."
The drunks says, "Not for sale".
The agent says, "Ok, 100 grand for just the scatting rat."
The drunk say, "Deal."
The agent writes the check and leaves with the rat.
The barkeeper looks at the drunk and says, "Are you nuts? You had a million dollar act that you just broke up for a wimpy 100 grands?"
The Drunk says, "Relax, the chipmunk is a ventriloquist."
 

JayDubya

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There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons.
After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next night, the kids showed up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."
The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons were missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!"
 

JayDubya

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mtnman

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mtnman

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mtnman

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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, the wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day from work, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors said I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
 

mtnman

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Uglytruth

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mtnman

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Goldhedge

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arminius

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arminius

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JayDubya

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Two Middle Eastern Muslim mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk. The older of the two pulls a small folder out of her handbag and starts flipping through photos. Soon, they start reminiscing.
''This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now.''
''Yes, I remember him as a baby.'' says the other mother cheerfully
"He's a martyr now though." the mother confides. "Oh, so sad dear...'' says the other.
''And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21.''
''Oh, I remember him,'' says the other happily, ''he had such curly hair when he was born.''
''He's a martyr too...'' says the mother quietly.
''Oh, gracious me...'' says the other.
''And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would have been 18'', she whispers.
"Yes," says the friend enthusiastically, ''I remember when he first started school...''
''He's a martyr also,'' says the mother with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the right words, says, "They blow up so fast, don't they?"
 

Ensoniq

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30

3x=30, x=10
10+2y=20, y=5
5+2z=13, z=4

10+5*4, or 10+(5*4)
 

hammerhead

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my bad. I was counting the whistles as 8 instead of 4 that gave me 5x8+4=45
 

foolsgold

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Order of operations say multiply first then add, so 4*5+10 = 30

The order of operations is a rule that tells the correct sequence of steps for evaluating a math expression. We can remember the order using PEMDAS: Parentheses, Exponents, Multiplication and Division (from left to right), Addition and Subtraction (from left to right).
 

Ensoniq

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order of ops isn’t the issue, I’m revising my answer to 15

theres only one shoe so,1/2 of 10 and only one whistle so,half of 4

so 5+(5*2)

i missed the trick the they took a shoe and whistle away
 

hammerhead

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order of ops isn’t the issue, I’m revising my answer to 15

theres only one shoe so,1/2 of 10 and only one whistle so,half of 4

so 5+(5*2)

i missed the trick the they took a shoe and whistle away

good catch on the whistle.