• "Spreading the ideas of freedom loving people on matters regarding metals, finance, politics, government and many other topics"

JOKE OF THE DAY!?!

mtnman

Platinum Bling
Sr Midas Sup +++
Platinum Bling
Joined
Mar 30, 2010
Messages
5,767
Reaction score
15,103
Location
East Tennessee
Okay so my neighbors have been complaining that my dog had been barking. I hate the electric zap collars, so I went on Amazon and purchased a humane citronella collar. When a dog barks, it shoots a blast of citronella under their nose and apparently, they don't like it. This morning I was getting the collar ready and filled it with the citronella liquid. And that's where my morning should have ended. But no, it's me, and I begin to become curious as to “how” the collars actually work. So, I'm standing by my back door "barking" at my dog's collar. Nothing happens. I make sure it's turned on, check the fill level, and go through the "getting started" check list one more time. Again, I bark. Nothing happens. Now I'm not quite sure, why I had this next thought, but I did...I put the collar on. I seriously extended the band and fit the growl box against my throat and barked. Apparently, the collar only works if it feels vibrations, because I immediately received a blast of citronella to the face. I began coughing, which only caused the collar to continue squirting bug spray over and over into my nasal cavity. I'm now on my hands and knees in my back yard, trying to breathe, and to make matters worse, the dog is barking. So, between coughing and yelling at him to shut up, I've emptied over a dozen blasts of citronella to my face. During all of this ruckus, I'm trying to undo the clasp of the collar, which has somehow managed to weld shut during this whole fiasco. I finally get the collar off and threw, yes, I threw that inhumane thing across the yard, and lay in the grass sucking in the hot Tucson air. In the middle of thinking this is probably the dumbest thing I've done in a while, I hear laughter. MY NEIGHBOR SAW THE WHOLE THING! He was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe. Between gasps, he tells me, "I was gonna come help, but every time I started to walk over, you'd set it off again and then I would start laughing and couldn't make it." So now, not only are my eyes red, but my face and ears are too. After checking to make sure I was ok, we parted ways and I went in to shower so I wouldn't smell like ode de' Tiki Torch. Lesson learned: next time (yes, there will always be a next time with me) make sure that: 1. Don't fill the collar before trying to set it off. 2. Remember your neighbor is not a good source of help in a comedy crisis situation. On the plus side, I won't have a mosquito problem for a few days! 3. I hate to break the news that it's a copied story that gave me a good laugh to start my day so feel free to do the same
1f601.png
have an amazing day!!
1f602.png
I so needed this laugh.
 

mtnman

Platinum Bling
Sr Midas Sup +++
Platinum Bling
Joined
Mar 30, 2010
Messages
5,767
Reaction score
15,103
Location
East Tennessee
1658192617426.png
 

WillA2

Silver Member
Silver Miner
Sr Site Supporter
Joined
Dec 16, 2019
Messages
4,469
Reaction score
12,227

the_shootist

Checked out! Good luck!
Eagle
Mother Lode
Joined
May 31, 2015
Messages
80,453
Reaction score
180,776
1658244826420.png
 

Usury

Site Supporter
Site Supporter
Platinum Bling
Joined
Apr 1, 2010
Messages
5,044
Reaction score
4,916
Just wow…SMH
 

Ensoniq

Midas Member
Midas Member
Eagle
Joined
Apr 9, 2013
Messages
12,851
Reaction score
29,727
Location
North Carolina
Can’t be real
 

JayDubya

pies klasy robotniczej
Midas Member
Midas Supporter
Joined
Apr 5, 2010
Messages
7,772
Reaction score
15,948
It's a prop, part of a movie.
 

Goldhedge

Retired
Sr Midas Sup +++
Survivor
GIM Hall Of Fame
Joined
Mar 28, 2010
Messages
69,960
Reaction score
155,195
Location
Rocky Mountains

Unca Walt

Midas Member
Midas Member
Midas Supporter
Joined
Mar 15, 2011
Messages
16,418
Reaction score
33,674
Location
South Floriduh
Your taste in particular movies noted.
Actually, I was worried that the perverts might possibly taken it one (small) step further.
 

WillA2

Silver Member
Silver Miner
Sr Site Supporter
Joined
Dec 16, 2019
Messages
4,469
Reaction score
12,227
Popular Mechanics once had a small ad in their listings section:

"One small ad pays all my bills. Send $1 for details."

There's always a few suckers willing to send in a dollar. Enough of them will pay your bills and then some. Like the beggar on the street corner, not always what they look like.