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JOKE OF THE DAY!?!

gringott

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arminius

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Wrong hole, Bob...
 

JayDubya

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The Doctor said: "The good news is I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was headache free for the first time in over 20 years, but he felt as if he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street he realized he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need, a new suit."

The elderly salesman eyed him quickly and said, "Let's see, you're a size 44 long."

Joe laughed and said, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years!"

Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the tailor asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."

"Let's see, 16 and a half neck, 34 sleeve."

Joe was surprised. "How did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years." The shirt fit perfectly.

As Joe looked at himself in the mirror, the salesman said, "You could use new shoes."

Since Joe was on a roll, he said, "Sure."

The man eyed Joe's feet and said, "9-1/2E."

Joe was astonished. "That's right. How did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the shoes and they also fit perfectly.

As Joe walked comfortably around the shop, the salesman asked, "How about new underwear?"

Joe thought for a second and said, "Why not."

The man stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see, size 36."

Joe laughed. "Finally I've got you! I've worn size 32 since I was 18 years old."

The tailor shook his head. "You can't wear a size 32. Size 32 underwear would press your testicles against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
 

mtnman

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Sampson

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Yupp, 5 of us jammed in the back with the seats folded down. And if you were too loud or fighting with my siblings Dad would slam on the brakes, we would all slide forward up against the back of the drivers seat and he would just start swinging over his shoulder to smack any of us who couldn't get away fast enough. Good times, good times.
 

arminius

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I know a fella who has a Country Squire like that one. I wanted it bad, but he wouldn't consider selling.
 

mtnman

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mtnman

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Goldhedge

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Unca Walt

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gringott

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He's joining the Nazi team, he sees the writing on the wall and it isn't gay.


I know at least one of you is going to try this....

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I had a secretary who told me she did this with frozen waffles. She spread the butter on one side, stuck them in and they had melted butter. I said doesn't that eventually wreck the toaster? She said yes, but they give them free at the bank with a new account.
 

mtnman

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