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JOKE OF THE DAY!?!

Weatherman

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I once got a fortune that said I would own bushels of gold coins. FAIL!!!

Fortune.jpg
 

Goldhedge

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I can see how this might work in the right situation.

SATURDAY
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club
with a breath takingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman
who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and
who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. At their very first chance, they
corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?” Bob replied
“Girlfriend? She's my wife!” They’re knocked over, but continue to ask:
“So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?” “I lied about my age,” Bob
replied. “What? Did you tell her you were only 50?”
Bob smiled and said, “No, I told her I was 90.”
 

Goldhedge

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The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick. So he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello?”
"Is your daddy home?”
Small voice whispered, "Yes, he's out in the garden,”
"May I talk with him?”
The child whispered, "No.”
So the boss asked, "Well, is your Mommy there?”
"Yes, she's out in the garden too.”
The boss asked; "May I talk with her?”
Again the ‘No’.

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?”
"Yes", whispered the child, "a policeman.”

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?”

"No, He's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?”

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the police dog men.”

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background, the boss asked, "What is that noise?" "It's a helicopter" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
"The search team just landed a helicopter.”

"A search team?" said the boss "What are they searching for?”

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle… "ME"
 

Goldhedge

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SEX ADVICE FOR BEGINNERS……..
A young woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.

"Do you enjoy it?" the doctor asked.

"Actually, yes I do," she answered.

"Does it hurt you?" he asked.

"No. I rather like it," she responded.

"Well, then," the doctor continued, "there's no reason that you shouldn’t practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care to not get pregnant.”

The woman was mystified. "What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?”

"Of course," the doctor replied.

"Where do you think people like Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Jesse Jackson, or Al Sharpton came from?"
 

Weatherman

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xGiving.jpg
 

Ensoniq

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Ensoniq

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Ensoniq

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McCain supposedly has an Achilles tear and needs to wear a brace

Did he forget which leg was injured?

image.png
 

Son of Gloin

Certainty of death? What are we waiting for?
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keef

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Dino playing drunk in Carson interview:

Dean Martin actually drank only apple cider or ginger ale on stage.​
 

Son of Gloin

Certainty of death? What are we waiting for?
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I ride and its true. Is as close to flying as you can get and not leave the ground and provides a very relaxing environment for critical thinking.
A guy I know from my old job rides a Harley. He says the moment you sit on that bike and start the engine your mind is transformed into a different dimension. Just the vibration tunes out the universe.