Hillary Clinton has described her freeze-ray test as a ‘moderate success’ after causing Mike Pence’s plane to skid off the runway late last night.
Pence, the Republican VP candidate, had what was described as a ‘scary moment’ when his plan skidded past the runway in slippery conditions. Originally it was believed that heavy rain was cause, however witnesses saw Hillary Clinton stood by the runway testing her latest invention: the freeze-ray.
Long known as ‘The Ice Queen’ in political circles, Clinton enjoys nothing more than tinkering away on gadgets and doodads while her husband is out chasing tail. And she was quick to admit the plane incident was her doing.
‘Yes, I was out testing my freeze-ray last night. It caused Mike Pence’s airplain to skid off the runway. I would describe the test as a moderate success at this stage. Obviously I was hoping for more damage to be done, but it is still early days,’ said the Presidential frontrunner.
The FBI has pledged to completely ignore the incident.
In an announcement that is sure to send shockwaves throughout the political world, Melania Trump held a press conference earlier today in which she admitted to being a Russian secret agent.
The former model turned First Lady was born in the Soviet area now known as Slovenia before she moved to America and married Donald Trump. But today she gave a stunning public confession that she was, and had always been, a KGB agent.
‘It is with a heavy heart that I must admit that I have deep ties to the KGB and Russian government. My mission has always been to keep a close eye on Donald and manipulate his actions to the benefit of the Russian government,’ said Melania.
Melania went on to say that she could no longer stand living as the wife of Donald Trump, calling him a ‘truly odious and repugnant man’ which is why she chose to blow her own cover.
‘If you’d spent a day alone with him, you’d understand,’ said Melania.
Mrs Trump will now be taken into questioning by the CIA, as well as other intelligence officials, to find out the full details about her relationship with the KGB, Russian government, Vladimir Putin, and Donald Trump.
Melania Trump could now face charges of treason, a federal crime for which the punishment is execution.
‘A small price to pay for no longer being Donald’s wife,’ she said.
President Donald Trump has reacted angrily to the story, calling it ‘fake news’ and ‘sad’.